Synopsis[edit | edit source]
After nine months of being pregnant, Lois goes into labor. However, Ida comes over to visit just at this time.
Plot[edit | edit source]
The baby is nearly due, and Francis and Piama have come home to visit (with Lois getting in her usual digs at Piama's expense). At breakfast, Hal and Lois tell the kids that the baby is bigger than they thought and they will now be inducing labor on the upcoming Thursday instead of in two weeks as they had previously planned. Dewey is visibly upset by this, as Reese claims they can't do that. Hal assures them it'll be less time before their lives are over, and their new fulfilling lives begin. Lois suggests Hal takes the boys out to a car show, Malcolm digresses claiming he doesn't want to spend the day looking at cool stuff they'll never get to own. Lois assures him if they only looked at stuff they could afford they'd see nothing but crap. Malcolm gets a letter from an elite prep school in England which is offering him a full scholarship to attend. Although Lloyd tells him going to such a school would set him up for life, he is too poor to afford it, Malcolm is depressed by this.
Unfortunately when they arrive at the community centre they find that the car show had left and now it's hosting a bridal exposition entitled "Festival of Brides", which Reese claims to be the lamest name for a car show ever. Malcolm suggests they leave but Hal has already paid $15 for parking so they're going in whether they like it or not.
Ida is outside, she asks if they are going to let her in or if she should lay down in the grass and feed the worms. Ida announces she is moving in when her apartment burns down mysteriously, with Francis assuming it was the villagers. Lois suggests Ida should stay with Susan because her house is much nicer, but Ida claims she should "stick her head in a can of beans" after Susan called her bitter and hung up on her, forgetting whether or not she hung up on her, but claims she should rot in hell either way. Francis attempts to physically remove Ida from the house but Ida grabs him by his genitals and disables him. Lois is desperate to get her out, and tries calling the police. However when they arrive Ida claims she is the one who owns the house and the others are trespassing. Lois can't find the deed to the house, and Francis's attempt to physically remove Ida ends with him being slammed to the floor by one of the cops (who promises to return 'off-duty' if Francis so much as touches Ida again). When the police leave they all sit down to lunch and Francis licks a roll before passing it to Ida. Ida goes to the bathroom telling Francis she did something unsanitary to his soup. Lois, Francis and Piama brainstorm an idea, Francis remind the two women that every monster has a weakness. Frankenstein had fire and Dracula had the cross, there had to be something that Ida was afraid of. They remember that Ida is a bigot. They therefore enlist Abe and his poker buddies to scare her off. Abe reluctantly agrees but wonders if they're serious. Piama says she'd do it herself but since her skin isn't dark enough she is only an annoyance to her.
In the bridal show, Reese is offered $20 by a tuxedo salesman to wear a suit and hand out business cards to people after a model he hired let him down. Reese agrees, but then dumps the cards in the trash immediately and uses the tux to schmooze with the attendees. Dewey goes to a spotlight operator, accordion player and the sound system operator and asks for help with a plan. Malcolm tells Hal about the prep school, telling him that everything is being paid for and having one less person under the roof will likely help the family with their constant cash problems. Hal is shocked, and tells Malcolm he can't leave as the family needs him too much. Malcolm, who wasn't keen on going anyway, agrees to stay.
Suddenly, the lights dim and a spotlight shines on Hal as Dewey speaks over a microphone (as the accordion player provides sad music) and tells everyone how, as the youngest of four children he's always been the last to get anything and a lot of what he owns are hand me downs he's never had a hot shower or a bed to himself and he's the third person to wear the underwear he's currently wearing, disgusting the attendants. Despite this, he's never complained even when his parents decided to have another child and take away his trait of being the youngest he was willing to share what little he had. Dewey then reveals why he had an issue with his parents inducing the baby on Thursday... it's his birthday. Hal is horrified to realise he's right, and Dewey tells the attendees that now his parents want to take his birthday away. He ends by asking everyone to direct any comments to his father. Hal tells Malcolm it would be a good time for one of his suggestions, but Malcolm is convinced that his father brought this on himself. Meanwhile, the tuxedo owner demands Reese hand back the tux after finding the dumped business cards. Reese refuses, and ends up getting trapped in a double bass case.
Lois goes into labor just as Ida is about to leave, and makes tightly-controlled but frantic calls to Hal to get him home as quickly as possible. Hal, in the meantime, is desperate to leave the expo. He hurries out, and is forced to take the double bass case when they can't unlock it to release Reese.
As they get in the car Hal can't find his keys, Reese says that he has them and announces they should blow this Popsicle stand. Just then the security guards surround the car, Hal asks Lois if he can call her back since they are now in trouble.