Plot[edit | edit source]
The episode begins where the previous episode left off, Lois having another series of contractions freaking out Abe, Steve, Trey, Malik and Brian. She claims they can't wait for Hal any longer and they need to go to the hospital immediately. Ida states that Hal has had his way with her and he's chose not to come back. Francis tells Ida that if she doesn't have the decency to choke on the fumes of her own bile she could at least take her poison over to Susan's house. Ida suddenly seems concerned that Susan called, but once Francis tells her no she is convinced Susan wants to see her suffer and is laughing it up that she's now stuck with Lois as her favourite. Just then Craig enters the house announcing he needs to borrow a coat hanger to get a sandwich from under his car seat. After being informed of what is happening by Piama, Craig sees an opportunity to play the hero and states he has always dreamed of this moment. He informs everyone he will carry Lois to his van and he has one of the three original sirens from "Starsky and Hutch" that can be used to imitate a police siren clearing traffic so he can make the hospital trip in exactly 7 minutes. Steve is unconvinced claiming that the show only had two sirens and they are both in the Smithsonian. This leads to everyone getting distracted and Lois wonders where Hal and the boys are.
Meanwhile, Hal and the boys rush to the car after wasting 45 minutes in the security office due to Reese's tux swindling. Reese claims they got a raw deal for being stuck with a Rent-A-Cop trying to make sergeant. Dewey claims that he only made Reese urinate in a jar because he could. Hal states the boys have done it this time and after he takes their mother to the hospital and he doesn't want to hear another word from them until they return with the baby. However since Hal is desperate to get home he puts the car in the wrong gear and crashes.
Back at the house Francis announces that the doctor is going to meet Lois, Hal's poker buddies are packing her bags and Craig is clearing out his van to make room for her. Piama wonders why the guys need so many suitcases. Brian claims Lois didn't need both sundresses raising another discussion. Ida is ready to go but Francis states she's not coming, Ida argues back. Francis says if she wants to go to the hospital so badly he can personally send her there. Lois announces no one is going to the hospital, and that her contractions are now too close together, asking someone to call the paramedics because the baby will now be born at the house.
Meanwhile, at the hospital Hal is put in the trauma centre where he refuses to calm down. He then receives a call about Lois going into labour at the house trying frantically to get back home, but the doctors claim in his shape he's not going anywhere and to inject him with 10 milligrams of diazepam which has no effect in sedating him, the doctor tells the nurse they'll need 10 more to immobilize him. He then tells the boys to go out to the waiting room and read some magazines but the boys clearly don't want to be pushed to the side as their mother is having a baby and they want to help since it was partially their fault. The doctor tells them that she and their father are being well taken care of and is sure that they can find a chair to spin around in.
Back at the house, Craig man's the computer and does a Google search for the word 'baby' and finds names for babies, gifts for babies and truck drivers dressed like babies. Piama answers the door where Lloyd enters claiming he needs to work on a project at their house because his own is unavailable. Ida wonders why he didn't greet her but he reminds her he's not Malcolm since they've met before. Despite it being a bad time he refuses to leave and goes to work in the boys room.
In the hallway of the hospital, Reese and Dewey take a moment to reflect on what horrible kids they are and Dewey realizes they really are juvenile punks who are lucky if they don't end up in prison or dead. Malcolm approaches them with a flier and informs his brothers there is a Lamaze class starting in 10 minutes and they are going to take it to be better brothers to their new sibling. Reese and Dewey enthusiastically join with Reese stating that the new baby won't be dropped on its head as much, confusing Dewey.
back at the house Abe helps Lois calm down after she squeezes too hard on his hand and Abe thought his fingers would pop. Craig informs everyone that there has been a slight chance of babies being born with a tail while Lois wonders where the paramedics are. Abe tells her that Steve called them 10 minutes ago, Steve then looks guilty as he forgot to call them then rushes off to do so.
Back at the hospital the boys tell Fran, the Lamaze class teacher about their misdeeds. She agrees that they are horrible children, Reese claims she now sees their point, Fran realizes everyone deserves a second chance and lets them join the class. In the first lesson they learn about mastitis and how the baby may vomit a cottage cheese type substance after sucking obstructions out of their mothers breasts. Dewey claims he didn't need another reason to hate cottage cheese. Reese has been zoning in and out and after Malcolm tells him breasts are used to produce milk, he comes to the shocking realization that women are the cows of people.
Hal in his unconscious state fantasizes about escaping from the hospital and being carried on the front of a bus to get back home to Lois only to get there and find a sumo wrestler in their bed accompanied by penguins.
Back in the bedroom, Piama gets towels for Lois but Ida opposes her since her people dry off by throwing dirt on their backs, Lois thanks Piama and accepts the towels. Francis begins working on the room to cope with the pregnancy, Lois yells that she is coping with it by giving birth. Lloyd comes in and reminds them all to work quietly like he is doing.
Hal has another fantasy about being locked in a dog pound and the boys coming to look at him and state how ugly he is, and they are unable to understand him. Dewey asks if they can take his collar and put it on a cooler dog leading Hal to howl like one. He then attempts to escape again by unbuckling himself and succeeds.
back in the Lamaze class, in a circle Reese explains why he is worried about being a good big brother while improperly handling a baby doll. He explains how babies are born stupid and have no idea what not to do, claiming that half of all their Legos have been through Dewey. Dewey states "probably more" before Reese breaks the doll shocking everyone before asking for a new one.
Back at the house in the backyard Ida tells Steve that with a little light pancake he could pass for white. Steve retaliates by claiming that the black men are all better than her in every way. He has a family that loves him, a nice house, a nice car and a successful career where he has made more money in a year than Ida has likely made her whole life. Ida doesn't see how being a drug dealer is worth bragging about, Steve then frightens her into running away.
Back at the hospital, the boys are the first to complete a diaper changing demonstration and celebrate their victory since they were also the best at tub time, bragging to the other couples who couldn't care less. During that time, they realize that all the things that they were taught in the class, Lois and Hal neglected to teach them while growing up and realize how they became thugs.
Back at the hospital, Hal wakes up and manages to escape from the trauma centre and hallucinates that Lois is there waiting for him. However in reality it is actually a different older woman a doctor and the boys enter and are horrified at what their father is doing. Malcolm asks him what the hell was he doing before Hal realizes what he had just done and yelps in disgust.
back at the house Lois wonders why Susan had to pick now to have a fight with Ida and can't believe she'll have to move into the boys room. Piama assures her that she'll be fine because Susan doesn't know Ida is "dying" and this may be the last time she'll get to make peace with her. Ida answers the phone assuming that the police are giving her back her rifle. After a brief chat Ida moves out when Susan calls to clear up the misunderstanding between them.
Francis is forced to help Lois give birth as the paramedics won't arrive in time. He initially refuses but Lois states that he is the best to do it since he is had to help farm animals give birth. Francis argues how his mother doesn't like even like him, but she states she loves him and he hast to do it, Francis reluctantly agrees. Ida comes in telling them she's moving out after settling her argument with Susan before leaving. Despite Francis' disgust from putting his hands inside his mother he manages to deliver the baby. Lois holds her new child close, telling Francis it is the nicest thing he's ever done for her and that he can go vomit now. Abe asks the gender but the ambulance siren blocks out the reveal of the gender and only Abe, Brian, Steve, Malik, Craig and Lloyd hear. When the paramedics realize they've arrived too late, one tells his partner they shouldn't have stopped for coffee on the way.
That night, Hal and Lois coddle their new child forgetting how tiny that they were. The boys enter and claim it's time for the baby sponge bath and wonder if their parents have even come up with a name for it yet. They decide to name the baby Jamie (however the baby's gender is deliberately left unrevealed). Dewey claims that the name fits and Reese says they'll come back when her udders are ready.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- This episode marks the final appearance of Lloyd in the series.
- While on his desperate way to Lois, Hal flees out of this entrance of an office block located on the CBS Studio Center grounds.
- When strapped to the bus, it travels down Radford Avenue here.
- Lastly, he runs down this fake road here on the premises of the CBS Studio Center. This private location would later be reused several times over the course of MitM, next time in [PLACEHOLDER].
- Ida moves out of the Wilkerson house to live with Susan