Billboard is the tenth episode of Season 6 and the 117th episode overall of Malcolm in the Middle.
Synopsis[]
The boys see a billboard advertising a strip club and decide to vandalize it. When Lois catches them, Malcolm makes it look like they're protesting the strip club. As women's rights groups descend on the billboard, Lois tries to find a way to get the boys down without incurring the wrath of the media. Meanwhile, Hal has an awkward run-in with an ex-girlfriend of his.
Plot[]
In the opening scene, Hal finds a piece of paper in Jamie's crib and is astonished by how Jamie now knows his letters and even though it's chicken scratch he's spelled actual words phenomenal for his age deducing Jamie is a genius. Reese walks in and states that the papers are actually his homework telling his parents that he does his homework every once in a while.
The episode begins with the family in the van driving home from an Malcolm states that once every six months Lois wakes everybody up at 5 AM and shoves them into the car to go to the outlet mall to buy clothes for the boys, something which they hate. Lois loves shopping at Value Village and loves how no other place has quite the selection of irregulars. Dewey asks his mom if his new shirt was made in a country where people aren't symmetrical. Lois tells him to stop complaining and be thankful for Value Village if it wasn't for them they would be running around naked and it's what separates them from the apes.
On the way home, they spot a new billboard with a stripper on it advertising a strip club leaving all the males with their mouths agape. Lois is too distracted by a deal on paper towels offered by the store by the billboard and doesn't pay any attention to it.
On Saturday, as the boys watch TV, Lois turns it off claiming that television is turning their brains into mush since they've been watching it for hours already. Malcolm states they are bored and there's nothing better to do. Lois tells them that so much TV has killed their imaginations. Hal is aghast that the boys are spending a Saturday doing nothing and suggests that they take a walk, roll a hoop or start a rock collection. They tell them to go out and find something enjoyable to do because when they are grown up and have careers and children of their own they won't have time to do fun activities or to be bored anymore. Only regret for not doing anything exciting when they had the chance. They reluctantly agree to go outside and find an activity to stop their parents from lecturing them.
Unfortunately, their idea of something to do is to vandalise the billboard. Malcolm claims that Lois was practically challenging them to use their imaginations, Dewey suggests vandalizing the woman with immature doodles but Malcolm claims them as too juvenile. Reese kicks things off by creating a speech bubble reading "I Want Re" (intending to write 'I Want Reese') with Malcolm emphasizing how leaving his name will blow their cover. It a massive turn of bad luck for the boys, Lois is shopping in the store at the foot of the billboard for the deal on paper towels she saw in the van and sees them. Fuming, she orders them to come down that instant. Dewey wonders how she found them, Reese believes she put tracking chips in their fillings and if his brothers had ripped theirs out she wouldn't have found them. Dewey wonders if she didn't see it was them but she calls out their names. Reese attempts to disguise his voice but the lights go on exposing them.
Reese questions where the back door is, Dewey is certain they are dead before Reese questions why billboards have to be so visible. Panicking, Malcolm asks for Reese's pocket knife, Reese says if he misses her he will only make her madder. Malcolm locks the hatch with the knife and writes more in the speech bubble Reese knows he is using his brain and has an idea. Malcolm finishes the speech bubble but now so it says "I Want Respect" and claims that the graffiti is a protest against the strip club. Some other women at the foot of the billboard shout support.
Shortly after a group of protesters who are against strippers, pornography and the derogatory depiction of women arrive to support the cause. The boys see Lois talking to a policeman named Officer Ridley and Malcolm claims it to be good news because she will have to beat them within the law if she gets a hold of them. Lois asks the officer what he is going to do to get them down but Officer Ridley states they have ways of dealing with political protesters. Lois tells him they aren't political protesters and they don't even believe in the cause, calling out they would clean up their room if they did and assures him it is merely hooliganism. Hal arrives after going through eight different babysitters since Jamie has been blacklisted and is even on a website. When Lois informs him where the boys are he assumed it was just a metaphor. Officer Ridley informs her it is an election year for the police commissioner and after attracting negative publicity with an asian case, a black case and a hispanic case all he has left is the white vote and if they physically remove the boys the media will chastise them and the chief will lose his remaining voters. Lois is sure that they have a ladder and people who climb them making her question if he is even a real cop. Hal tells Officer Ridley he has a gambling problem and lost their house playing Pai Gow and how Lois is a saint before he takes Lois away and reminds her what being maced feels like and to give it an hour and the crowd will lose interest and disperse.
Unfortunately the exact opposite occurs when the protesters become an entire mob along with several media outlets turn up to report on the supposed protest. Hal tells Lois that Lyle at Seven told him to get out of a shot. Another reporter named Dinah approaches them and asks Lois how proud she is of her boys, exasperated Lois says "no comment" before walking away. Dinah then turns to Hal who tells her that he tries to push his children to learn core values such as equality, respect, compassion and nutrition and begins to talk about the clean plate club.
Lois decides to negotiate and makes the boys an offer; if they come down now she'll settle for confining them to their room for three weeks with two meals a day and enough daylight to read with but warns all bets are off if they refuse. The boys are in shock and can't believe Lois is actually attempting to negotiate with them since she’s never done it before. Reese concludes that their mom must be scared of the crowd and the TV cameras and they’ve discovered her weakness. They decide to wait her out until she agrees not to punish them. Malcolm calls out to the protesters that the road ahead may be long but they will stand against oppressors until women everywhere get the respect they deserve earning an applause from the crowd.
Not long afterward, the boys receive food and supplies from their supporters including T-shirts and baked goods. Lois tells Officer Ridley that it has gone far enough and what asks if they have snipers with tranquilizer darts or a giant net and wonders what she pays taxes for. Hal meanwhile tells the reporters that the life of a crusader is hard and once the fire is lit there is no extinguishing it. One reporter named Meryl asks how important feminism is to his boys but Hal assures her they are his children and they don't need to be labeled by gender alone and that the world is still producing heroes and three of them are up on the billboard, earning a round of applause from the crowd.
The boys call Lois and she tells them they're cutting it close since she gave them 10 minutes and they've taken nearly 9 and a 1/2. Malcolm tells her that they are not coming down and after discussing it as a family they figure she is as mad as she can possibly be so there's nothing left for them to lose so every hour they stay up on the billboard is another hour of freedom and another 30 or 40 supporters added to their fanbase. Lois reminds Malcolm that they know they've done wrong and they are pretending to have principles that they don't actually believe in and that they have to come down sometime and life is long. Malcolm claims that's the one of the benefits of being young since they don't think that far ahead and either way they've had a lesson on the ephemeral nature of power. Lois claims that power is a funny thing it's when you think you have it that you're in trouble. Malcolm claims that she has a valid point but in the philosophical case they've already won and no matter how the night ends they both know it. Lois attempts to stare into Dewey's eyes and get him to give in but Reese quickly snaps him out of it. Lois' responds with "Damn it."
After a couple of hours Hal enjoys the attention of the media by telling them about his late mother Sharon scrubbing their kitchen floor until it shined but before he can continue a woman he recognises named Wendy turns up after seeing him on TV at which point he starts doing everything to avoid her. When she catches up to him, she reminds Hal of his 'commitment'. Hal responds by throwing her in the news van.
Lois makes it clear she's not going down easily. She goes to the craft services table where a woman named Cheryl is providing supplies for the boys. She tries to manipulate the boys into turning on each other by ensuring only one of the cupcakes they're sent has a cherry. Up on the billboard Dewey compares two kinds of banana bread made for them and Reese reads how his are the first male hands to touch another loaf. Dewey claims except for their parents, Francis and Jamie the protest has brought their family together. Reese grabs the cupcake with the cherry making Dewey and Malcolm jealous, Reese says he just grabbed one and doesn’t care, Dewey says that if he doesn’t care then he should let him have the cupcake with the cherry. Reese says he already took it, Malcolm joins in the confrontation as well until he questions why only one cupcake had a cherry. He soon sees through their mothers attempted sabotage and makes another speech that there may be those who will try to drive a wedge between them but if they learn nothing else that night they will learn to stand together earning another round of applause Malcolm then drops the cherry down at Lois' feet warranting another "Damn it" for outsmarting her.
Soon the boys are enjoying their time on the billboard, as the protesters are catering to their every need with food, water, a privacy curtain for a bathroom and feminist reading material. Reese comes out of the bathroom and yells out they might want to burn the basket for his feces he lowers down. Dewey states the feminist joke book is a little ham-fisted but enjoys a retelling of Cinderella where she dumps the prince for sapping her woman strength and pushes him aside to create her own matriarchy with fluid gender roles.
Reese is in disbelief that the women who he refers to as “cows” actually believe that they’re on their side. One woman shouts out how she loves them, Reese yells back “Right on, sister” before insulting her weight. Malcolm and Dewey scold Reese for casually insulting the women who have been nothing but nice to them and disparages the cause. Reese claims it to be such a load and the women down there are only protesting because they are jealous they aren't hot enough to be strippers. They act like they’re offended when in reality they just mad about their own giant butts and every woman wants to be the woman on the billboard. Malcolm brings up their mom, but Reese isn’t talking about their mom, they’re talking about women. Malcolm wonders if Reese believes that all women want to be strippers and he thinks there are no women who want to be doctors or lawyers or professions more befitting rather than sex objects. Reese reminds Malcolm that they can’t hear him and just because they look like dogs doesn’t mean they can hear like dogs. Both Malcolm and Dewey are sick of Reese's attitude towards women so they decide to sleep on the other end of the billboard. Reese says he was just being honest before going to sleep.
Among the protesters gather around a bonfire where one plays a song he wrote about the boys and plays it on his guitar.
That night, Reese has a dream where the woman on the billboard talks to him and she tells him he wanted to speak to him but had to wait for his brothers to fall asleep so he wouldn’t have to share her. Reese tells her how everyone is mad at him and how his brothers think he’s a jerk. She reassures him he’s cute as a bug and kisses him. Reese asks if she’d take off her giant top but she only would if he had a giant dollar, he says he’ll get some if she comes back again. She agrees to come back every night if he wants, Reese tells her how great she is and how the girls at school won’t even talk to him. She tells him if they’re not willing to talk to him or dance on a pole, then they’re not really his friends and he doesn’t need them when he has her and she’s the only woman in the world for him. She says she’s perfect because she’s sixty feet tall, her skin is five inches thick and no matter how creepy, insensitive and thoughtless he may act, he is unable to hurt her. Reese tells her that’s all he ever wanted and questions why all women aren’t like her. She reminds him that she’s not real and he just dreamed her up as a way to face the fact that he’s going to spend the rest of his life alone and the saddest part is: he’s going to wake up before he thinks of anything good to do with her. Reese questions if it’s not a guarantee and begs her not to leave but she’s already gone. This makes him realise that the woman he's seeing on the billboard isn't real but just an image created by a strip club.
A newscaster broadcasts that the boys mother is talking to the police commissioner pleading for her brave boys who sacrifice continues to inspire so many. Lois informs the police commissioner that her boys are like dogs and she has to get them on their backs just to establish dominance. and that the whole protest is a lie and they don’t believe a word of it, and if it’s an issue of liability she’ll sign any waiver just to get them down. He asks if he appears to look concerned, Lois agrees before he states in relief that his handler said he couldn’t pull it off. Lois re-emphasizes that she wants them down but the commissioner tells her although there’s nothing he’d like to do more in an election year they all have to make sacrifices. Before he turns back to the cameras to tell them about his days on the freedom ride.
Cheryl comes to tell Lois that they’re getting an injunction and that the ACLU found a judge who is completely sympathetic to what her boys are doing and in two hours they’ll have an airtight court order and they’ll be able to stay up there for days, even weeks. Lois gets an idea at this point and makes a public statement to the cameras praising her 'brave' boys, and especially Dewey given his medical condition and that he could fall into a diabetic coma and die at any moment, and how nice it is that the police commissioner cares more about principles than the life of a little boy. The police commissioner overhears and orders the boys be brought down at once. The police them storm the billboard and drag the three down at once.
Lois is approached by Wendy who has been stalking Hal and she tells him why she's after him; they were once co-workers at the Tiger shop at Macy’s and he got drunk and she loaned him $400 some years ago and he has done everything he can (including blowing up a phone booth to fake his death) to avoid paying it back. Wendy informs her that with interest the total amount equates to ten grand.
The crowd starts booing as the boys come down, although while they descend Reese makes a speech on how he's learned that although the woman on the billboard might be beautiful, she isn't real and if she was real she’d be different and if he was real he would want people to listen to her and that the primary distinction between men's and women's rights is that men don't have to hold a protest to get what they want. Lois silently shows how impressed she is with Reese for actually learning a lesson from his experience. Once down, Lois finally gets a hold of the boys and tells them how proud she is of them and takes them home so she can truly express how she feels. She tells Malcolm that she's had six hours to think of horrible punishments that are going to happen to him, although she isn't sure about what to do with Reese since he already learned his lesson. Dewey is rushed to an ambulance, where Hal joins him. Dewey begs Hal to get him released, but when Hal sees Wendy approaching he instead pretends Dewey is dying so he can be whisked away before closing the ambulance door.
Cast[]
- Jane Kaczmarek as Lois
- Bryan Cranston as Hal
- Christopher Masterson as Francis
- Justin Berfield as Reese
- Erik Per Sullivan as Dewey
- Frankie Muniz as Malcolm
Guest Stars[]
Cameos[]
- Fredric Lane as Officer Ridley
- Sam Anderson as Police Commissioner
- Jennifer Lyons as Stripper
- Ashley Gardner as Wendy
- Jenna Edwards as Cheryl
- Susan Morgenstern as Naomi
- Debbie Zipp as Lisa
- Marianne Curan as Dinah
- Javier Grajeda as Jack
- Kyme as Meryl
- Keaton Simons as Folk Singer
Trivia[]
- In the crowd of protesters, many people were holding up signs. One of which said "GOD HATES STRIPPERS". This is a reference to the Westboro Baptist Church protesters and their infamous phrase "GOD HATES FAGS".
- Hal mentions his mother in this episode while being interviewed on the news, saying that she used to work in the kitchen a lot when he was a child. It is unknown if the information he gave about her was true, or if he just said that for the cameras.
- Dewey reads a feminist version of the classic fairy tale, Cinderella, in which Cinderella turns down Prince Charming and lives on her own and creates her own Matriarchy.
- The billboard is located at 12801 Sherman Way, North Hollywood, CA 91605.
Errors[]
- In the first scene of the boys up on the billboard, Reese's vandalism already reads "I WANT RE". Soon after, Reese is heard spray painting the billboard off screen, but when seen again, the vandalism is still the same. The characters also all acted as though Reese had just now spray painted that on there, meaning that it wasn't intended to be there before.
- The ambulance at the end of the episode was seen with flashing lights on it. However, in the shot where it drives off, the lights were shut off.