Boys At Ranch is the eighth episode of the fourth season of Malcolm in the Middle. It aired on January 12, 2003.
Synopsis[]
Hal and the boys go to Francis's dude ranch for a weekend. When the boys do their usual antics (this time with ATVs), they are punished Lois-style by Francis. This sets Reese and Malcolm on a quest of getting the Francis they know back. Dewey bonds with Gretchen by cleaning numerous parts of the ranch, while Hal and Otto get drunk and lost in the desert.
Summary[]
It is an exciting weekend for the boys as Hal is driving them to the Grotto to visit Francis (exciting because they get to see Francis and leave Lois behind for the weekend). Upon arriving, they encounter an obsequious Otto and Gretchen who are so honored to be visited by Francis's family that they make the staff line up for inspection. After this is done with, they meet up with an illness-feigning Piama (until Malcolm informs her that Lois didn't come along) before going out to meet Francis, who makes an impressive entrance riding a horse. It soon becomes clear, however, that he is not the mischievous older brother he once was but has become responsible and hard-working since his new employment began. When Malcolm, Reese and Dewey trick Hal into signing a permission slip to ride three-wheeled ATVs--which they naturally destroy--Francis is furious and orders them confined to their room until further notice. He is also angry with Hal for signing the permission slip without reading it, and Hal is left astounded by the change in Francis' personality.
The following day, Malcolm and Reese break away from the ranch and use one of Hal's credit cards to purchase contraband fireworks. Gretchen, who was initially angry with Dewey for breaking one of her prized figurines, bonds with him as she teaches him the masochistic joys of housecleaning. Hal goes with Otto on a horse-ride into the desert, where they get sauced on Schnapps, fire pistols into the night sky, scare away their horses and end up stranded. Hal admits to Otto that he feels like a failure as Francis's father, as he tried everything to get his oldest son straightened out but it just took a couple of months under Otto to turn him into an adult. Otto reassures Hal that Francis already had all of his responsible qualities when he arrived.
An angry handwritten note prompts Francis to meet Malcolm and Reese at a remote part of the ranch. Although he resists their taunts to light the fuse of the elaborate fireworks arrangement, his younger brothers remind him of his earlier miscreant ways. Despite his protests that he's married and a responsible citizen now, he inadvertently lights the fuse anyway. The final conflagration literally turns the night into day for a couple of seconds, and the three brothers agree that losing their sight for a couple of days will be worth it. Meanwhile the lost and drunken Hal and Otto presume the fireworks to be a sign from Francis signaling the way back to the ranch.
Quotes[]
- Malcolm: [To camera] I'm really going to miss my girlfriend Nikki. But then again, it's two days without Mom. I've been in the car since 6:00.
- Piama: [feigning illness] I'm fighting a terrible cold. I'll probably be in bed all weekend.
- Malcolm: Mom didn't come.
- Piama: [suddenly fine] Well, we'll just have to enjoy ourselves without her. Come on!
- [Francis kicks sand over the fire to put it out.]
- Reese: Hey, what are you doing? I brought some stuff I wanted to burn!
- [Reese, Malcolm, and Dewey climb on their rental ATVs]
- Malcolm: 'All Terrain.' I wonder if that actually means all terrain.
- Reese: They couldn't say it if it wasn't true.
- Francis: I specifically told you guys: stay away from those ATVs! What the hell were you thinking?
- Hal: They don't think, Francis. They never have! The only thing their heads are good for is to plug up their necks!
- Otto: [pointing to Dewey] I blame ze oldest one! Ze others follow him like sheep!
- Francis: I thought I could trust you guys on your own for a few minutes, but obviously I was wrong! You are still the same stupid, reckless idiots you've always been!
- Piama: Francis you don’t have to yell at them like that!
- Francis: I’ll yell at whoever I want! And even though I wash I hadn’t said that it’s too late now! From now on you boys stay away from the horses, the vehicles, the pools and the other guests, That means you are confined to your room until further Notice!
- Malcolm: You’re sending us to our room?
- Francis: That’s right!
- Malcolm: I don't believe it. You've turned into Mom!
- Francis: Yeah? Well, sometimes Mom's right!
- Reese: You take that back!
- Gretchen: Oh my god! You broke my Doll? How could you be so thoughtless? [crying] You promised me you would leave it alone, but it vas just....[agonized squeak] a lie.
- Francis: Alright you boys go to your room now!
- Otto: There, there. We will give him new legs and then he will be all good again, Just like cousin Heinrich.
- Hal: Well you did the right thing Francis, I just don’t know when they’re gonna learn.
- Francis: Them? What about you? how could you sign a release form and not read what it’s intended for? For God’s sake Dad, My job is hard enough as it is!
- Malcolm: 'Sometimes Mom's right?' Why didn't he just throw acid in our faces? You know, I'd actually prefer that.
- Reese: I can't believe he yelled at us right in front of that French guy.
- Malcolm: He can’t get away with this, we’re going to get him back!
- Reese: You’re damn right we are! Are you with us Dewey? Dewey?
- Dewey: And I know - I shouldn't have taken it But it looked so cool! And then in the tree I forgot it was in my pocket, and I fell and it broke!
- Gretchen: Oh, I know, I know, sweetheart. And you know what? - I should never - have yelled at you. I feel terrible about that.
- Dewey: You do?
- Gretchen: Course I do. You know vhat your Tante Gretchen does vhen she feels bad? She vorks. She vorks herself to ze point where her body screams in pain and her soul begs for mercy!
- Dewey: Why?
- Gretchen: It's ze best form of penance. Vhen my fingers are raw and my back is racked vith crippling pain, I feel all better!
- Otto: [describing his horse to Hal] Scout doesn't pick up on anything. Unless you're secretly gay.
- Eddie: [presenting an absurdly large firework.] Boys, I'd like to introduce you to the Komodo 3000.
- Gretchen: I just remembered vhen I vas nine. My uncle gave me a Pfennig to put in ze vishing vell. But I threw a pebble in ze vell and I kept ze Pfennig. I am pure evil!
- Dewey: I once put a garden slug in Reese's sandwich. And he ate it.
- Hal: [drunk, firing a pistol] Oh, great. Something scared off the horses!
- Francis: Okay, and now you're smiling, which means in about two seconds I'm going to look like a jackass.
- Piama: [indicating note from boys] I'm afraid it starts off a little antagonistic.
- Francis: [reading] Is that last word 'lick' or 'wipe?'
- Piama: I think you're safe either way.
- Otto: How far do you think we've gone?
- Hal: Well, judging by that rock formation over there, about twelve feet.
- Otto: If I am such a genius, how come zat I am drunk and lost in ze desert vith a bullet in my ass ?!?
- Dewey: I kind of feel like I'm floating.
- Gretchen: Vell, zat's probably ze ammonia.
- Hal: [to Otto, when spotting fireworks behind them] I'll tell you what that is. That is Francis showing us that way home! I told you he'd get us out of this!
- Francis: Did it say when our vision would come back?
- Reese: Box said two days.
- Francis: Totally worth it!
Trivia[]
- This is the first episode in which Francis punishes his brothers, since Lois' Birthday.
- This is the first episode that Lois doesn't appear in.
- She was supposed to appear which she reassures Piama that she's not going to fight about the marriage anymore and will respect her better. Lois confronts the boys for their recklessness in destroying the ATVs and Hal for having not stopped this. Before she could punish them, Francis beats her to it by confining the boys to their rooms and banning them from any more reckless stunts.
- Later on, Lois asks Francis why he'd punish his brothers despite knowing it's her job to do so. He explains that he has grown up a lot since leaving school for Alaska and then working on the ranch in New Mexico. He doesn't want to lose his job and the ranch to lose their license because of his brothers. Lois starts gaining a newfound respect for Francis because of it.
- This is the first episode where Hal, Malcolm, Reese and Dewey visit the ranch and meet Otto and Gretchen.
- Otto says they have a cousin Heinrich. In Malcolm's Car, Reese blackmails someone named Heinrich into giving them money.
