Burning Man is the first episode of season 7 of Malcolm in the Middle.
Synopsis[]
The family goes to Burning Man and everyone does something new there.
Plot[]
In the cold opening, Lois takes a batch of cookies out of the oven and calls the boys that they are ready. Reese comes into the kitchen but Lois stops Reese from grabbing one because she put Dewey's antibiotics in that one and gives him a different one. He questions whether or not she put anything in that cookie but she tells him to just eat it and eat another one 20 minutes later. Reese eats the cookies unaware of Lois sneaking antibiotics into them as well.
In the boys room, Malcolm and Reese are discussing going to the Burning Man festival. Dewey isn't convinced since every year they talk about going to the festival and every year they chicken out by making up a bunch of lame excuses not to go in past years (including a Slurpee headache) so much it has become routine. Reese states that’s the kind of ignorant talk he’d expect from someone who has no idea what Burning Man really is: a week of freedom in the desert, naked women, getting back to your primal nature, naked women, people doing art and naked women. Dewey asks if all the women are naked but Reese punches him in the stomach since he assumes that’s all he heard. Reese and Malcolm commit to their plans and write down a note on the toilet paper roll.
When Hal and Lois discover Malcolm and Reese's plan to sneak off and hitchhike to the festival after Lois undercooked the chicken for dinner that night, they catch them and bring them home. Although ready to punish them for sneaking out to go to an overblown keg party in the desert, Malcolm gives them an eloquent description of the festival and how it is an interactive experiment and everything it represents such as making art just for the sake of it and making music with instruments that came to you in dreams, after hearing how life-changing it sounds they decide that the entire family should go.
They take off in an RV and Lois tells Malcolm what a great idea it was. Reese sarcastically agrees suggesting that next year they take grandma to Mardi Gras, Malcolm tells Reese he doesn’t enjoy having powers he can’t control and he’d much rather be as stupid as him, but Reese tells him not to try sucking up to him now. Lois compliments the RV that Hal borrowed from his boss Mr. Barnes due to him owing Hal a favor for taking the blame for a fart in an elevator when the CEO got on he tells Lois how things work in the corporate world. Lois is impressed stating the RV is the equivalent of Buckingham Palace on wheels. Hal tells the boys about the flat screen TV in the bedroom and other amenities including a fold down pool table. Dewey attempts to get an apple juice for Jamie but Hal tells him to close it back up emphasizing to Dewey that the RV is worth three of himself and it’s going back to his boss without a single stain, smudge, smell or dent. Reese attempts to sneak out to avoid being seen with his parents thinking he can survive in the desert and that the Road Runner cartoons apply to real life.
Once they arrive in the Black Rock Desert, Lois greets their neighbors who dress like bishops and informs them she is going to make art as well and brought her paintbrushes. Hal tries to organize the boys into setting up a perimeter but Reese and Malcolm shimmy under the RV and take off. With the older boys gone, Dewey is forced, by Hal, to do work to keep the RV he borrowed from his boss in tip-top shape firstly getting large rocks to make a perimeter around the RV, Dewey isn't happy but Hal informs him since he didn't leave before his brothers "you snooze, you lose".
Malcolm and Reese explore the bizarre things people are doing until Reese wanders off and Malcolm injures himself after he steps on a small cactus. Reese asks an older man named Nate where the topless girls are, and how uninterested he is in "uggos or blimps". He leads him there while spraying people with a water gun full of "Stanley". Reese ask him what Stanley is. Nate explains that Stanley was a friend of his who passed away over the winter and that he filled the gun with Stanley's ashes because he embraced the spirit of burning man and wanted his ashes spread this way. Reese is in awe since he once got detention for putting a mouses head on the end of his pencil and realizes he asks Nate if he could destroy whatever he wanted. Nate says he could if he felt he had to but burning man is less about destruction and more about creation and expressing oneself and contributing to a new community by becoming part of the whole, then walking away a better person with more than you came with. Reese asks for some Stanley and decides he is going to embrace every aspect of Burning Man now that for the first time he has the freedom to truly express himself.
Hal rolls out some astroturf and states he should get some for back home too. The people at Burning Man gather around Hal tells them as soon as he gets his grill set up he's he will treat them all to free burgers and hotdogs. The people think that Hal is part of a performance art show by encompassing the stereotypical suburban dad. Dewey returns and tells his father that he can't find any more rocks. Hal tells him that they passed someone they turned into the desert. Dewey states that the entrance is half a mile away but Hal corrects him that it is actually two miles. Lois returns with Jamie and tells how that she met a group of women by the port-a-potties who call themselves a tribe and invited her to weave hemp with them later. Hal questions why she would go use a port-a-potty when the toilet in the RV will suck down a small deer. Lois goes back inside the RV eager to get in touch with her artistic side. Hal notices several people gathered and realizes that mentioning free food makes people gather like flies.
Malcolm waits in line at the first aid tent claiming he'll spend the whole two days at Burning Man waiting in the line. He is approached by a man wearing a cow skull helmet who informed him the lineup is shorter at the shamans tent, Malcolm is unsure but the man tells him how she cured his planters warts and reassures him he wouldn't steer him wrong. As he escorts Malcolm there, Reese has joined a nearby drum circle.
Malcolm gets to the shamans tent and meets the shaman named Anita who tells her previous visitor that if he’s going to eat glass he should chew at least ten times before swallowing. Malcolm approaches her and tells her about his injury. Anita begins by sucking on his wound and realizes he’s internalized a lot of criticism. She tells him that his problem is that he has an incredible amount of passion in his soul, but he needs to let down the armour he’s using to shield it, along with needing a tetanus shot. Malcolm knows that Anita is almost as old as his mom and obviously crazy as a loon, but he admits that he’s turned on by her after he opens up to her. After bandaging his foot, Anita tells him that most western medicines numb the body and silence it, but the body is an amazing thing that can tell you what’s wrong with it. Anita claims that all real healing is just listening, and doesn’t see any alternative about that.
Malcolm tells her that he doesn’t think colonizing space is the answer. That if people can’t solve their problems on Earth he doesn’t see any point of exporting them there. Anita states that even Wernher von Braun said that everything that science taught him strengthened his belief in the continuity of spiritual distance after death. Malcolm buys that Godzilla came out of the purging of Japanese guilt after World War II, but it was no excuse for the costume looking so fake. Anita guesses Malcolm's favourite bands are: The Go-Gos, The Bangles, Bananarama and Josie and the Pussycats. Malcolm admits that he hated “Charlotte's Web” too and how he just wanted to squash Charlotte because he found her to be whiny. After whispering random words to each other the two of them have sex. The next morning Malcolm is over the moon, claiming that he thought that all the crap people said about love was just being used to piss him off.
The next morning, Lois accepts an invitation from Vivian and Kit, two of her new friends in the tribe of women claiming it sounds like a hoot and a half. Kit informs her it’s at the giant foam tongue and to make a left at the guy in a phone booth full of Jello, and if she sees the men’s diaper brigade, she’s gone too far.
At breakfast, Lois adds green food colouring to all the food. Reese states that he used to think art was just paintings of old dead men in drag but now realizes that art can be anything such as doing something or even undoing something. Like when he blew up their neighbours mailbox, how it was art and he didn't even realize it. Hal states he does not like green eggs and toast, Lois tells him to stretch out a little and enjoy their vacation. Dewey questions the word vacation since his father has been working him to the bone by arm-rolling the RV's tires for six hours and cleaning bugs out of the RV’s grille with a toothbrush. Hal questions why people outside have to play frisbee so close to the RV and questions where Malcolm is, and how he didn’t even come home last night, informing Lois he really doesn’t think he likes the place.
Malcolm thinks he loves the place, and after Anita wakes up he asks her if she knows she’s the most amazing woman in the world. Anita knew she was in the top three but guesses that his vote clenches it. Malcolm asks if they can spend the day together and thought they could check out the Circle of Infinity. Anita informs him she has a lot of rebirthing ceremonies to do that day but they can meet up later. Malcolm agrees but Anita senses disappointment in his voice, he feigns being fine but Anita realizes he has contempt for her and what she does. Malcolm says he really should keep his mouth shut for the next five seconds but he spews out what a silly ritual it is. Anita says she’ll be really busy that day and thinks he should go, before kicking him out of the tent.
Back at the RV, as Hal sweeps his astroturf lawn he becomes uncomfortable with the large crowd watching him. They say he’s capturing the aesthetic perfectly but upon hearing him complain and shoo them away they applaud him more. Someone throws a frisbee at the RV and Hal makes sure it hasn’t left a dent. He asked what the hell is wrong with them, and wonders if they have any respect for personal property and they can think about it for a few days until he gives it back, making the audience cheer even louder for him as he retreats inside the RV.
As Dewey carries the RV’s septic tank to the dumping center while getting sloshed by filthy toilet water, he says he’s glad that orphanages don’t take family trips or kids raised by animals and wonders why they get all the breaks. As he continues on, the men’s diaper brigade walks by with Reese joining them.
With the tribe of women, Vivian and Kit surprise Lois by showing her an unamused looking Jamie covered with temporary henna tattoos and beads in his hair. Lois wishes there was a JCPenney nearby because she’d love to get wallets of the pattern. Jamie is further annoyed by his mothers lack of care.
Back at the RV, Malcolm asks his dad who's stupid idea it was to come to Burning Man. Hal agrees with him as he polishes the oven. That the desert is full of freaks and weirdos, and now Lois and Jamie are out there doing God knows what with them. Hal assures Malcolm he’s gonna be okay because him and his dad are exactly alike. People might say they’re stubborn and close-minded, but he says there’s nothing close-minded about shunning ideas that make you scared and uncomfortable. How they shouldn’t care if people say they’re afraid of life, emphasizing how life is scary. Life is things eating other things and he says let everyone out there go ahead and eat each other, and they can stay safe and sound inside the RV. Upon becoming uncomfortable with Hal’s words he realizes he’s been a total idiot and needs to get over himself before leaving the RV.
Reese is dancing in a circle around a bonfire when he is grabbed by two men. Nate appears and tells Reese to come with them. He attempts to argue any accusations and they’ll have to talk to his lawyer, who is a naked man wearing a buffalo head. Nate tells Reese that he’s not in any trouble, he tells him since he’s embraced the spirit of burning man he has earned the honour of being the torch bearer who burns the man. Reese is overjoyed but tells Nate not to tell his lawyer since he doesn’t want him getting a piece of it.
Malcolm decides to undertake one of Anita’s rebirthing ceremonies whereupon someone is doused with water and rubbed with large ballooned bags. Malcolm claims he can do this and although it is weird, most rituals are a little weird. He hears a baby whimpering behind him and the baby’s parents claim that he needs a fresh start since he’s already made a lot of mistakes his first two days. Malcolm admits that even if it is totally insane, he’s doing it anyway. He removes his shirt and is doused with water to begin being reborn.
Nate brings Reese to the wooden man and tells him how great he’s been before handing him a torch. Reese questions what the torch is for and Nate informs him it’s to set the man on fire. Reese claims he doesn’t want it to end because for the first time in his life, he feels real like he belongs. Nate assures him that they’ve all been there but it’s still has to end. Reese uses the torch to defend himself and tells everyone to stay back and no one is burning Burning Man.
Malcolm continues with the rebirth ceremony and after being reborn he finds Anita. Anita questions if he did it for her, he claims he did originally but something happened in there and he was able to open his mind to be accepting of something he didn’t believe in, and how he’s never been able to do that before. He actually feels that he’s been reborn and how fantastic it feels and it’s all thanks to her. Anita tells him they can never see each other again. She tells him it can never work because he’s way too malleable, and she could deal with a condescending cynic, but she doesn’t want him doing things just because she wants him to do them for her. Malcolm claims that he won’t if that’s what she wants but realizes she’s right. Anita apologizes to Malcolm and explains that life is a journey and he has to take it on his own. Malcolm clean he’s tried his own journey and it sucks. He begs Anita to take him with her and he doesn’t take up a lot of space. Anita says she has to go now before forcing Malcolm to leave. Malcolm sarcastically states that he didn’t know that this new life would be even crappier than the last one.
Back at the Burning Man statue, Reese desperately continues to defend the statue. Hal pulls up in the RV and tells Reese to get in the van so they can go home. Reese asks his dad to help him since they all want him to burn Burning Man. Hal tells him to just torch the bastard so they can get out of there. Dewey comes up to his dad informing him he got his precious floor mats clean. Malcolm comes back and says he’s ready to go but Hal stops him since he’s filthy. A man announces the arrival of the Trumpet Strumpets, topless women riding bicycles with trumpets, Lois and Jamie are among them. As Reese stares in shock at seeing his mom topless, Lois warns Reese to behave himself, Hal tells her she looks great and to get in the RV so they can leave.
Reese throws away the torch which flies through the air and lands in the RV in a box of oily rags and cleaning supplies which ignite and make the RV bursts into flames. Hal and Malcolm stare in shock while Dewey smiles knowing his torment is over. The crowd shifts focus to the RV and start chanting “Burning Van” instead.
When the family return home they eat dinner in silence. Reese claims that going to Burning Man was awesome and asks Lois if they can go again next year, Lois assures him they will definitely go back again next year, having had an equally as amazing time. Malcolm states that although Burning Man didn't go exactly the way he wanted, he'll likely get over it quicker than Hal, since his boss really loved the RV. Hal gets up claiming he probably won't be back until dawn since after burning the RV, Mr. Barnes is forcing Hal to do physical labor until he pays off the debt for the price of the RV. Hal informs Dewey he's helping him by digging Mr. Barnes a new septic tank after they relocate his pet cemetery. Dewey reluctantly gets up to do more menial chores.
Cast[]
- Jane Kaczmarek as Lois
- Bryan Cranston as Hal
- Christopher Masterson as Francis
- Justin Berfield as Reese
- Erik Per Sullivan as Dewey
- Frankie Muniz as Malcolm
Guest Stars[]
Cameos[]
- Rosanna Arquette as Anita
- Jeff Doucette as Nate
- Cece Tsou as Vivian
- Kim Shannon as Kit
- Karen Dyer as Bystander #1
- Aaron Hendry as Bystander #2
- Atticus Todd as Cowskull Guy
- Max Faugno as Man
- Eva Simone Fisher as Woman
- Sven Holmberg as Rebirth Man
- Rebecca Metz as Mother
- Elijah Anarchist as Father
- Jon Beavers as Man #2
Trivia[]
- The Burning Man festival actually exists. Burning Man is an annual event held in the Black Rock Desert, in Northern Nevada. It takes its name from the ritual burning of a large wooden effigy on Saturday evening. The event is described by many participants as an experiment in community, radical self-expression, and radical self-reliance. As suggested by Reese, nudity is not uncommon at the event.
- Malcolm loses his virginity in this episode to a woman named Anita.
- Lois dyes her food green and serves it to the family. Hal says "Green eggs and toast? I do not like green eggs and toast." This is a reference to the Dr. Seuss book Green Eggs and Ham.
- Reese starts hunting for animals and says "I know what you're thinking. The roadrunners are too smart to catch and eat, but the coyotes are idiots." Reese is apparently taking life lessons from Looney Tunes, specifically the Road Runner cartoons, assuming that roadrunners and coyotes act the same way they do in the TV show when it comes to hunting.
- This was the first episode and only series to be shown on 5*.
- From this episode until Bride of Ida the episodes were premiered on Fridays instead of Sundays.
- It is unknown how the family got back home after their RV was destroyed.
Quotes[]
- [Lois and Hal have just busted Reese and Malcolm in their attempt to hitchhike to Burning Man]
- Lois: HITCHHIKING! HITCHHIKING ON THE HIGHWAY LIKE HOBOS!
- [After Malcolm inadvertently convinces Hal and Lois to go to Burning Man]
- Lois: What a great idea, Malcolm! [Reese glares at Malcolm]
- Reese: [sarcastically] Yeah, maybe next year, we can take Grandma to Mardi Gras!
- Malcolm: You think I enjoy having powers I can't control?! Believe me, I'd much rather be as stupid as you are!
- Reese: Don't try sucking up to me now!
- Malcolm: Reese, we're in the middle of the desert.
- Reese: I know what you're thinking. The road runners are too smart to catch and eat, but the coyotes are idiots.
- Lois (while topless): Reese, you behave yourself. You hear me?
- (Reese stares at Lois shocked)