Christmas is the seventh episode of the third season of Malcolm in the Middle, which was broadcast on December 16, 2001.
Plot[]
After the boys destroy the Christmas tree ornaments (and because the boys wreck the house every Christmas), Lois issues an ultimatum: either the boys behave or Christmas is cancelled! It works and Lois is proud that they rose to the challenge, but the boys realize that she could keep using this threat for every holiday--how can they stop her?
Meanwhile, Francis spends a torturous Christmas with Grandma Ida in Whitehorse and eventually finds a closet full of gifts she bought for, then withheld from (because of small infractions, ex: not calling) the family over the years.
Summary[]
It's another Wilkerson Christmas and the boys helps Hal with the positioning of the tree. During that time, Lois is on the phone arguing with Francis who has called home. She tells him that he has to visit Grandma Ida for Christmas because it's her first Christmas alone since Grandpa Victor died. Francis refuses to visit her in Whitehorse because she hates him and is still traumatized from his last stay with her and asks Lois to pay for the bus fare to let him come home for Christmas. She refuses, reminding him that he's lives the closest to Ida in Alaska and that family is the most important thing especially at this time of the year. Francis points out that he doesn't believe her and thinks she just punishing him still for leaving Marlin; Lois reveals that while she is still angry over it, it has nothing to do with the current situation. He then questions why she didn't invite Ida over for Christmas and is given pause. She claims Ida has an open invitation, but Christmas is the only time no one in the family wants to see her since she'll ruin their holiday cheer with her incessant complaining over how the family lives their lives. Francis sarcastically suggests that he can buy a bus ticket so he and Ida can visit for the holidays. Outraged by this, Lois forbids him from bringing her home with him and makes it clear he doesn't have a choice in the matter. She orders him to buy Ida a present and spend the holiday with her.
After ending her call with Francis, Lois catches Malcolm and Reese misbehaving by trapping Dewey's head in a Christmas stocking. She is angry at this and has to use scissors to cut the stocking open to get his head out. Lois screams at Malcolm and Reese for their misbehavior and that it’s supposed to be a happy time, mentioning that every time Christmas and the holidays come around, the boys misbehave with their pranks and wreck the house, a tradition that stems back into their childhood. Three Wilkerson family flashbacks are shown proving Lois' statement:
- The first one shows Hal enter the house dressed as Santa Claus with a sack of gifts, but he is blasted in the face with a water gun by his then-younger boys, who then trip him with string and run away with the gifts, with Dewey returning to kick Hal for the heck of it.
- The second shows the living room covered with fake snow and the boys making a mess while horsing around with cans of said fake snow.
- The final flashback shows the Christmas tree on fire with Hal and Lois running around, with him trying to get her to drop and roll. However, Lois ignores him and demands that whomever is responsible for the mishap to come out and face the consequences of their actions.
Back in the present day, Lois orders the boys to behave themselves if they want to avoid having their Christmas cancelled.
In Whitehorse, Francis arrives and is forced to spend a torturous Christmas with Ida, resulting in the usual insults. Francis feels it’s colder inside the house, Ida says it’s because she refuses to pay those pirates a heating bill. Francis decides to begin the pathetic charade by giving Ida a musical Christmas Card which she's offended by when she hears the card plays “Jingle Bells” thinking Francis bought the card just to torture her. Francis questions what’s wrong with it, to which Ida claims it was the song the villagers would sing whenever warriors ride through the village and throw the babies in the fire. Francis questions that they sang Jingle Bells to do so, Ida says they sang something. Francis sees that it’s eight o'clock and past his bedtime asking where he sleeps.
Meanwhile at the house, Reese and Malcolm are putting their names on a "gift" for Dewey. Malcolm protests when Reese puts only his name on it when it was supposed to be to Dewey from both of them. They fight and Reese pushes him to a box of ornaments. Malcolm throws an ornament at him, which shatters against the wall on impact. Reese is at first angered by this, but quickly becomes impressed as the boys then suddenly get an idea. Later on, Lois comes home and catches the boys misbehaving once again, this time by having an ornament fight in the family room, which they stop when they notice her presence.
Finally fed up with their misbehaviour, she takes matters in her own hands by turning off the Christmas tree lights and quickly packing up the presents, treats and decorations. When Malcolm questions Lois's actions, she points out that the boys' misbehavior has ruined every celebration of the holidays for the family, and therefore, she is now putting a stop to it by locking everything up in the garage. When Malcolm, Reese and Dewey protest this and beg for one final chance since it'll be the last year that Dewey will believe in Santa Claus much to his shock. Lois gives them her ultimatum: the only way she will reinstate Christmas is that they behave until Christmas morning. If the boys manage to behave until then, the holiday will be reinstated; but should any of them fail and misbehave even just once, she will return all the gifts to the store, box up the decorations, donate the tree and all the food and treats to the needy, and Christmas will be canceled for the family. Reese protests that she wouldn't really cancel the holiday and calls her bluff. He is quickly proven wrong, however, when moments later, she burns his Christmas stocking in the fireplace and watches him cry over it alongside Malcolm and Dewey, much to their horror and her sadistic joy. The boys now realize that Lois is serious and they need to behave or else.
At the house, after coming home from work and learning of the situation, Hal confronts Lois over holding Christmas hostage. She defends her actions and tells him that the boys drove her to it because they have misbehaved and ruined the holiday for the family every single year, while also pointing out they have tried every other way to get them to behave up to this point (including Hal's bribery) and all have failed. This time though, Lois has a foolproof plan, figuring that putting everything on the line will get the boys to behave. She mentions to Hal they need to stand their ground as parents and let their sons know who's in charge, playing the "unity card" to ensure Hal's cooperation. Hal still protests against this initially, as it means that should the boys misbehave he'll miss out on Christmas too asking if there is anything that trumps the unity card. But after Lois nods no he ultimately gives in and turns off his blinking light Christmas sweater.
Back in Whitehorse, Francis reads one of his grandmothers old magazines and really believes they can win the Vietnam War. When Ida comes out of the kitchen with Rice Krispie squares Francis attempts to eat one until she tells him they are for the carolers. Francis attempts to light himself a cigarette but due to Ida’s coughing fit from her own cigarette he puts it back and says she’s ruining smoking for him and it sounds like she’s dying. Ida claims he’d love it if she did so he could get his hands on all of her stuff. He sarcastically claims he’s got big plans for her doilies and definitely wants a can of peaches that’s been sitting on her shelf for the past 30 years. Ida tells him he’d better keep his hands off her peaches, before they can continue they hear the carollers come to the house singing “Carol of the Bells” and Ida responds by going onto her deck to throw rock-hard Rice Krispie squares at them to make them leave, emphasizing that there is no figgy pudding for them.
The next day at breakfast, the boys behave themselves by using their manners and offering to help clean up. Malcolm believes that they can do it since today is Christmas Eve and they've already been good for the last ten hours, even though they were asleep for eight of them he thinks they can make it through another 24. They maintain their politeness until the last waffle is left. As they try their hardest to not fight over it, Hal quickly diffuses the situation by eating the waffle himself. When Lois looks up, he "thanks" the boys for offering him the last waffle as to not arouse her suspicion.
Back in Whitehorse, Francis sits in complete boredom with Ida, and decides to amuse himself by opening and closing the musical Christmas card, knowing it irritates his grandmother. This backfires, however, when she retaliates by stabbing him with her knitting needle. He asks what the hell is wrong with her, she claims that if he pushes her then she will retaliate. Francis asks her if she could do the entire family a favor and just die since all she does is treat them like dirt and she shouldn’t be allowed to be a grandma. Ida asks if he’s finished before pinching his wound making him keel over onto the floor. She shows him no sympathy and he tries to recover from the pain and sarcastically claims how she should’ve been more loving towards him by kissing his boo-boos, told him stories, baked him giant sugar cookies, knit him nice fluffy sweaters, carried him, held him and told him how much she loved his diapers. Francis asks her why she doesn't simply unhinge her jaw and finish him off, to which Ida claims he'll have to wait until "Magnum P.I." is over.
At the house, the boys are stressed over the effort of behaving themselves and afraid to do anything lest it turn into trouble. However, they soon realize that there's nothing stopping Lois from using the same tactic every Christmas since it worked so well. Malcolm points out it won't only apply to Christmas, as Lois could threaten to cancel other holidays and and even their birthdays. Deciding that Lois can't be allowed to get away with this, the boys decide that she needs to be taught a lesson and they must take back Christmas. They retaliate by breaking into the garage to take their holidays back.
In Whitehorse, Francis is trying to decorate the tree, but Ida tells him that he doing it wrong. He is annoyed and asks how since he did exactly what she instructed him to do despite it's small size. Ida points out Francis's mistake by putting a star there and to her, it's too generic. She tells him to get the angel that been in her family for years. As he tries to get the angel, Francis takes notice of a man similar to himself at 17 (except the man has bushy eyebrows and dark brown eyes). Ida tells him that it's his grandfather, Victor, in his youth. In her drunken state, Ida tells Francis that she sees similarities between him and Victor because they were both fiercely independent and were always determined to get their own way. Ida explains that Victor left home when he was eleven and got a job at a local farm and never complained about the work no matter how hard and durable it was. Despite her obvious dislike for Francis, she admits how much she respects him for being as strong as Victor. He begins to feel a twinge of sympathy for Ida as he sees she's not coping well with living alone. She falls asleep and her cigarette falls into her nightgown. Francis is disgusted and takes the cigarette out, but has to use her alcohol to clean his hand off afterwards.
Meanwhile, Hal comes into the bedroom with cider and tells Lois that it’s winter cider and not Christmas cider, but he finds Lois crying on the bed over the way she's behaved calling herself a horrible mother who shouldn’t be allowed to have children. Hal tells her that the boys did a great job behaving themselves, however Lois doesn't feel better since they’ve only been behaving out of fear. She tearfully admits that she went too far threatening to cancel Christmas, and had already regretted making the threat before she'd finished packing the presents away but didn't know how to take it back. She calls herself a monster, Hal tries to reassure her she’s not until she furiously tells him to just admit she acted like a monster, which he does. He tries to assure her she’s a wonderful mother but his words are in vain when Francis calls home to tell her how much of a bad mother she is for leaving Ida alone for Christmas and hopes she’s ashamed of herself, which she is. Lois tells Hal that the boys don’t deserve to be treated so poorly and although they may be high spirited they are good boys.
In the garage, the boys are happily opening presents. They have vandalized the inside of the garage by spray painting a caricature of Lois killing Santa by slicing his neck with a knife and saying "Die Fat-man!". However when Malcolm discovers that Lois got him the exact video game he asked for and Dewey got roller skates that we’re better than what he asked for they see that Lois got them everything they wanted for Christmas, their joy gives way to remorse. They come to realize that all Lois wanted was for the family to have a happy Christmas, and they ruined it like they've done so every year since they were little. The boys accept that they were the ones who ruined Christmas and not Lois, and try to put everything right by crudely re-wrapping their gifts, despite knowing that the holiday will now certainly be cancelled.
In Whitehorse, Francis is helping clean up Ida's place when he discovers a hidden stash of Christmas presents in a closet under the stairs. Ida reveals she bought the gifts for family and friends years ago, these include: a bread maker for Lois, a new camera for Hal and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Donatello action figure Francis wanted when he was 6 years old. However instead of giving them she decided to withhold them whenever the intended recipient committed even a minor misdemeanour against her (including a young Francis calling her "poopy" and hanging up the phone, Lois not writing back to her, their cousin Nicola marrying a protestant and Hal refusing to drive her to the liquor store). Realizing how insane she is, Francis calls her out and she appears to realize she needs to let go of her anger, but it is revealed to be sarcasm.
Lois has decided to rescind her threat and get the tree and presents out of the garage so the boys can have a happy Christmas, with Lois even deciding they can open their presents that night. They go inside while the boys are trying to re-wrap the presents, catching them in the act in front of their vandalism of the garage wall. However, instead of going crazy, Lois takes the denial route and thanks Hal for waking up the boys to help them move the gifts and tree back inside the house. The guys all play along, allowing the family to have a proper Christmas with Malcolm claiming how great it is and that they should've started taking the denial route a long time ago.
On Christmas Day, Francis leaves a musical Christmas card to torture Ida. She swears a personal vendetta on him and manages to find the card. Ida manages to rip it up, only for another one to start playing... This causes Ida to go insane in finding the other Christmas card.
Cast[]
- Jane Kaczmerek as Lois
- Bryan Cranston as Hal
- Christopher Kennedy Masterson as Francis
- Justin Berfield as Reese
- Erik Per Sullivan as Dewey
- Frankie Muniz as Malcolm
Guest Stars[]
Recurring[]
- Cloris Leachman as Ida
- Cody Estes as young Malcolm
- Dillon John as young Reese
Cameos[]
- Matthew Dunn as young Dewey
Trivia[]
- This is one of the few times Lois took back her punishment.
- The episode establishes that Malcolm, Reese, and Dewey weren't able to have a proper Christmas due to past misbehavior that led Lois to punishing them:
- As children, Malcolm, Reese, and Dewey assaulted Hal (dressed up as Santa Claus) by making him trip on a string of Christmas lights, then stole the sack of presents. Dewey added insult to injury by kicking Hal in the stomach before joining his brothers.
- Malcolm, Reese, and Dewey made a mess in the living room by shooting cans of fake snow spray at each other.
- Malcolm, Reese, and Dewey set fire to the Christmas tree. This caused Lois to yell out for the guilty party while Hal was tried to get her to "drop and roll".
- This episode establishes why Ida hates Francis the most, after one Christmas call ended with him calling her "poopy" and hanging up on her.
- Despite her hatred of Francis, a drunken Ida admits that she respects him because he reminds her of Victor in his youth.
- Before Radu Gogorsky was revealed as Lois's birth father in Victor's Other Family, Francis noticed that he resembled Victor in his youth minus the bushy eyebrows and Victor's brown eyes.
- The song that plays during the boys ornament fight was "The Bells Are Ringing" by They Might Be Giants. However, it was one of the few songs that was used in a Christmas context since the song technically had nothing to do with Christmas.
- Cody Estes and Dillon John return as Young Malcolm and Reese. They first played the younger versions back in Flashback.
- This is the first time that Matthew Dunn appeared as a younger version of Dewey.
- This is the last episode to air in 2001.
- Ida mentions that she enjoys watching “Magnum P.I.”.
Quotes[]
- Lois:[in the last flashback] Who did this? Who did this?
- Hal: Drop and roll honey.
- Lois: Who did this?!!
- Hal: For God sake, honey. Just drop and roll.
- Lois: I have had it!
- [Dumps out the contents in the paper bag and turns off the lights to the Christmas tree. She is stuffing all the presents in the bag.]
- Malcolm: Mom, what are you doing?
- Lois: I am taking everything, every decoration, every present, every tree and I'm locking it in the garage. Every single Christmas, you scream, burn, break or destroy and I'm putting a stop to it.
- Dewey: She's stealing Christmas.
- Malcolm: Mom, you can't do this.
- Reese: Yeah, this'll be the last year Dewey believes in Santa.
- Dewey: WHAT?!
- Lois: If you boys behave until Christmas morning, there will be a Christmas morning. Otherwise these are going back to the store and Christmas will be cancelled!
- Reese: [to Lois] You wouldn't cancel Christmas! You're bluffing.
- [Scene cut to reveal Reese crying over his burning stocking]
- [On the phone with Francis]
- Lois: Just spend a couple of days with Grandma. You can leave right after Christmas.
- Francis: I am not visiting that woman. She's evil and she hates me.
- Lois: Francis, this is family. This is Grandma's first Christmas since Grandpa died and you live the closest. How can you be selfish?