Company Picnic: Part 1 is the eleventh episode of the third season of Malcolm in the Middle, which was broadcast on February 3, 2002.
Summary[]
In the opening scene, Hal and Dewey try to get rid of a spider in the bathroom. Dewey wants to kill it, but Hal tells him the spider has just as much right to live as them and how unlucky it is to kill it inside the house. Hal attempts to pick it up, but it starts crawling causing them both to panic and throw it out the front door into Lois's face. After realizing what they've done Dewey locks the door and tells Hal to grab his keys and drive away since she can only ground him. Hal runs off to the car to get away from his wife's wrath.
Malcolm is doing push-ups in his room and explains that tomorrow the family will be attending Hal's company picnic, and it is his first opportunity to see his old elementary school crush Laurie Millbrook ever since she moved across town last year. He states that he’s grown about four inches since then but realizes he can’t rely solely on that and that if he does enough push-ups, it by tomorrow, he'll have something to show. Reese teases how huge he looks and claims he should be careful not to frighten Laurie. Malcolm argues he’s not doing it for Laurie, so Reese realizes Laurie is fair game and wonders if she’s into older guys, but Malcolm begs him as a brother to stay out of his and Laurie's time together since it’s his first chance to see her after she moved away, Reese agrees after enjoying Malcolm's desperate groveling, telling him to keep it up.
In the kitchen Lois tells Dewey he's not allowed to have any candy at the picnic tomorrow due to him being unable to metabolize sugar well resulting in him getting into fights and ending up crying. Lois assures Dewey it's for his own good, Dewey complies before heading off to bed. Hal comes into the kitchen asking Lois which hairstyle looks better since it is an important office function since it will be attended by Hal's new boss who he has yet to meet, and he is paranoid because of his bleak history of first impressions. Including assuming his chubby boss Mrs. Plum was pregnant, being caught with his butt on the photocopier by another and accidentally getting a toothpick stuck in Mr. Jacobson’s daughter Kelly's eye, with her husband Steve threatening him to kill him and drag his carcass through the street. Hal explains to Lois that it is like a chess game and every subtle move is vital.
In Alaska, Francis is infuriated with cleaning out the sink drain alone since Eric, Artie and Pete are all busy with an upcoming hockey game with a female team from McCallister Oil with the men refusing to play against them until they beat their ladies' team. Pete claims he’s fed up with the girls' team since they play dirty, make fun of them and steal their women. Francis would love to see his co-workers humiliated Lavernia says his wish has been granted and he's their new equipment manager since their previous one Rinaldo came down with jock lung. When Lavernia distributes paychecks, she gives Eric a little extra for his hockey skills. Francis is appalled since he doesn't receive any money instead, he owes her $14 despite not buying anything that week. Lavernia states there’s recently been an increase in pillow rental and the rubber gloves he insists on wearing. Fed up, Francis attempts to quit but cannot until he pays off the $604 of debt, he owes Lavernia. He calls home and attempts to gain some money from his brothers but all three of them are used to it by now. He first tries to get Malcolm’s help by asking him to tell Lois that they’re sending all the smart kids to Washington, DC and to hit her up for $600 and then just spend a long weekend at Stevie’s house but Malcolm knows Francis is trying to trick him and calls Reese in to take the phone and Francis tells him about a store with a slippery entryway that he could get a lawsuit for but Reese also sees through Francis’ scheme and calls Dewey in, Dewey asks if it’s Francis wanting money and after Reese confirms it he hangs up on him.
After arriving at the picnic Hal tries to hide Lois states that since Hal has never met the man, he has no idea who he is hiding from. Hal goes up to his coworkers Barry and Phil and gets them to point out the new boss John Pratt (Stephen Root). Barry has his video camera ready assuming that Hal will set him on fire, but Phil says he shouldn't give him ideas, Hal is already nervous, but he assures him they were just joking and is sure he’ll do fine. Hal reminds him they both know that’s a lie.
Lois goes into one of the tents where free candy is served and sees Dewey there. Dewey tries to act innocent, but Lois asks if he wants to do it the easy way or the hard way. He agrees to the hard way as she orders him to spread his arms as she takes away all of the candy he stashed in his jacket and pockets. She informs him that she’s not always going to be around to do it for him and he needs to control his temptation to candy. As he begins to leave the tent, she stops him once more as he gives up a lollipop he hid in his underwear.
Malcolm sees Laurie who hugs him and says how good it is to see him since she misses all of her old friends. Malcolm says that he’s missed her too, everyone has. She then asks Malcolm to participate in a three-legged scavenger hunt with her and how the prize is $100 but she needs a partner to do it with. Malcolm readily agrees, she then sees Reese and greets him who informs her that he’s gay. As Laurie and Malcolm Walk off to sign up for the scavenger hunt, Reese silently says Malcolm owes him.
As Lois gets a drink, a woman named Meg (Susan Sarandon) asks her if she works for the company or if she is a drag-along. She affirms that she’s a drag-along and Meg is as well since she was dragged along by her husband who always runs off to talk to his friends. Lois tells her she usually ends up hiding from her kids. Meg feels happy to have someone to talk to since she has trouble with social situations, since her psychiatrist says she’s emotionally detached and has paranoid fantasies about what others think of her. Lois attempts to leave by taking a step back, but Meg continues to step towards her as she continues her non-stop talking about how ugly it gets with false accusations and crying attacks. She says she is unaware why her husband married her but knows she married him because of her addiction to disapproval but blames herself because of how similar he is to her judgmental father. Lois now realizes that she is stuck listening to her.
At the game the female oil-rig team the “Ice Queens” is managed by Lavernia's old rival, Clarence (Terry Bradshaw). Clarence’s assistant coach Howie sees Lavernia and states she might have a team this year and asks if they should adjust their front line. Clarence tells Lavernia he was afraid she’d show her face, not that he was afraid he’d play him, just that she’d show her face, Lavernia thought Clarence only gave his pep talks in his van but Clarence assures her she’ll get a boyfriend someday, have her moment of bliss then bite his head off and lay her rotten eggs down his decapitated body. Howie asks him if that comment was necessary since it’s exactly the reason why people dislike him. Francis sees an attractive member of the rival team (Heidi Klum) but is turned off after seeing her with several missing teeth.
Hal gets a woman to check his breath to make sure it’s doesn’t stink and it’s not too fresh, she asks for her compact back. He attempts to introduce himself but chickens out before running into the head of the company, Burt Landon (Patrick Warburton) who tells his toady about Hal being the “urinal cake guy” who despite that mishap he decided not to fire him, and he became one of their finest systems managers. And it just goes to show that even a gibbering idiot can surprise you before leaving, his toady suggests that his statement would make a great chapter heading for his new book before walking after him. Hal says he only did it because he thought the other man dropped his pill case and he was just being considerate. He is approached by John Pratt who introduces himself to Hal and says that he’s a difficult man to find and had to ask someone to point him out. Hal says it’s definitely not because he’s been avoiding him or anything. Pratt heard that he had a great sense of humor and believes it will be great working with him. Hal agrees before making an excuse, but Pratt states what a pleasure it was to meet him and mistakes Hal for Mr. Landon who assumes Hal was him when they were talking to each other.
While getting ready for the game Pete has a glute injury and Lavernia orders Francis to massage it out much to his abhorrence. She informs him that he’s their goalie and they need him. She reminds him of his debt to her and if he does it, she'll knock off a dollar fifty, refuse and she'll charge him 50 bucks for the ride home. Lavernia puts him in charge of the valuables and personal items until after the game, upon seeing all his co-workers' wallets he gets an idea. Francis bets against the loggers, and attempts to sabotage his friends, knowing that if he wins the money, he can pay off his debts to Lavernia and leave his Alaskan hellhole once and for all. He tells Lavernia that Clarence approached him in the locker room and wants to make a wager with her on the outcome of the game. When she refuses, he tells her Clarence knew she’d be afraid, and that John Grisham was a hack with no sense of plot and a tin ear for dialogue. Clearly insulted she said that "gin-soaked reptilian sack of dog logs" would pay and tells him to make it 700 dollars but Francis claims that Clarence was very adamant about the 642. Lavernia agrees and gets Chuck the referee to hold onto the bet money. She says that Clarence has no idea what they have in store for him, and it’ll be the easiest 700 dollars she ever made. Once on the ice, Eric claims there’s something wrong with his skates and the blades are so dull, Artie sees that the blades on his skates have been unscrewed, and Amos notices Vaseline smeared all over his grip tape. Unbeknownst to them, Francis has sabotaged their equipment to ensure that they lose the game and sighs feeling guilty about it.
Back at the picnic, in the parking lot Lois is still trying to get away from Meg who continues yammering about her husband’s shortcomings and tells him how the last time they ate dinner together was six months ago and was with his boss and on their anniversary she bought 30 dollars' worth of candles and wore a negligee the size of a postage stamp and ended up drinking an entire bottle of champagne due to her husband showing up an hour late, going straight to the computer and spent the next six hours in an online chat room ignoring her completely. Lois attempts to go see where her kids are, but Meg is still talking about how her husband never gives her any affection since as far as he’s concerned, she is still the fat lady who answered his psychiatrists phone and although she does see herself as a 200 pounder, she knows the way other men look at her. Lois desperately grabs a Hispanic woman named Wanda and introduces her to Meg and asks Wanda to get to know her while she slips away. However, her cover is blown when Meg asks Wanda how she knows Lois, only to reveal that Wanda can only speak Spanish.
Dewey enjoys playing Pokémon cards with another boy his age named Billy, but things immediately go south when he offers Dewey candy, which results in him trying to attack Billy and being held back by Lois. She forces Dewey to sit down and fill up on a loaf of bread instead of candy since she already has enough to worry about. Upon seeing Hal hiding amongst the port-a-potties she orders Dewey to stay put.
She asks Hal if he is hiding, but he says he’s just enjoying the shade. She asks if he met his new boss yet and after telling her they hit it off and it went well she knows he’s lying. They then hear Pratt calling out to him by Mr. Landon. Lois questions if he is calling him, he tells her he’s not and whatever she was going to say isn’t happening. Lois tells Hal she’s not going anywhere until he explains, but before he can she sees Meg calling her name and running up to her as she immediately goes inside a port-a-potty as Hal runs off to answer to Pratt. Meg tells Lois that her mother-in-law is coming to visit them and although she despises Meg, she’ll at least talk to her since her husband hasn't said two words to her other than "Where's the remote?" and "How far are those going to sag". Lois tells her it’s not a good time, but she is ignored as Meg continues to rant about how at a party, they attended with his old college friends he told her not to say anything stupid and won’t let her forget how she didn’t know who Ernest Hemingway was. Lois sits down in exasperation knowing Meg isn’t going away.
At the scavenger hunt, the announcer says that for those without a partner they’ve done a random draw. Reese is entering the scavenger hunt as well and is paired up with a larger boy named George. In the lineup, Laurie asks Malcolm for his advice in what to do if he liked someone, but they lived far away. Malcolm states that he likes her too and has liked her for years. Although it is now awkward, Laurie apologizes because she was talking about a boy named Gary Spindler and apologizes for getting his hopes up. He tries to reassure her but before he gets a chance the scavenger hunt announcer calls them up and tells Malcolm and Laurie them, they're only going to be tied together for three hours so they should get hopping. Malcolm only now realizes the awkwardness of the situation.
Cast[]
- Jane Kaczmarek as Lois
- Bryan Cranston as Hal
- Christopher Kennedy Masterson as Francis
- Justin Berfield as Reese
- Erik Per Sullivan as Dewey
- Frankie Muniz as Malcolm
Recurring[]
Guest Starring[]
- Terry Bradshaw as Coach Clarence
- Tom Green as Steve
- Howie Long as Howie
- Stephen Root as John Pratt
- Christina Ricci as Kelly
- Susan Sarandon as Meg
- Patrick Warburton as Burt Landon
- Heidi Klum as Toothless Hockey Player
- Lauren Storm as Laurie
- Thomas Lumberg Jr. as Amos
- Aaron Hill as George
- Nick Mize as Barry
- Eric A. Payne as Phil
- Steve Witting as Announcer
- Betty Carvalho as Wanda
- Connor Matheus as Billy
- Yolanda Snowball as woman
- Mary Ostrow as Ms. Plum
- Steve Tom as Mr. Jacobson
- Wesley Thompson as Mr. Jones
- Tracy Kay as Kissing Hockey Player
Trivia[]
- This episode aired immediately after Super Bowl XXXVI.
- This two-part episode was nominated for two Emmy awards. Susan Sarandon was nominated for the best Guest Actress in a comedy series. Bobby Porter was also nominated for his stunt coordination in this episode.
- The producers had planned for Sarandon to play Susan Welker, Lois's sister and make recurring appearances akin to Ida. Originally, she was supposed to be older than Lois by 5 years, but this was dropped due to how expensive it would be for them to retain her.
- Laurie Metcalf was supposed to play Meg, an old friend of Lois who warns her about Susan's plans. Unfortunately, she was unavailable and ended up making a one-time appearance as Susan, making her the younger sister.
- Hal's specific occupation is revealed to be a systems manager in this episode.
- Stevie was mentioned by Francis over the phone, but he did not make an actual appearance.
- Stephen Root stars with Patrick Warburton in this special. They would eventually costar in the Nickelodeon short lived show, “The X's”.
- Mr. Pratt addresses Hal as "Mr. Landon", and Hal makes many attempts to correct him for calling him by what isn't his last name. When a co-worker, Barry, asks what it is, he says Wilkerson. He would then claim he thought Hal's last name was either Landon or Cranston (which is Hal's real life actor's last name). Wilkerson was mentioned here and in Company Picnic 2 one last time before the writers dropped the last name and kept it a secret. The family's name would be mentioned one last time in the series finale, but as the joke, Nolastname.
- A poster for the then upcoming "Spider-Man" (2002) film can be seen in the boy's bedroom in the beginning.
- Jane Kaczmarek's then husband, Bradley Whitford makes an uncredited appearance as Meg's husband in the next episode.
- This episode holds the record for most special guest stars in an episode with seven total (eight including the next episode).
- Dewey is mentioned as not being able to consume candy because he doesn't metabolize sugar well, however this is never mentioned again outside of this two-parter, and he is seen consuming candy with no issues in many episodes before and since. This is likely an error on the writers' part.