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"Oh yeah there're cameras everywhere, pharmacy, ATM, the bathr-, yep lotta cameras."

Craig Feldspar is a recurring character and co-worker at the Lucky Aide with Lois. It was made obvious on numerous occasions that Craig is in love with Lois regardless of the fact that she's married to Hal.

Biography[]

In Softball, it is revealed that Craig, nicknamed "The Satin Hammer", plays for the Lucky Aide softball team and remarks to a disbelieving Malcolm that he had been scouted by the "Kyoto Crazy Phantoms". He then makes a diving play on a seemingly unplayable ball to prove his ability. He appears frequently in the show, especially during later seasons, as his character becomes more entwined with Lois and her family. After entrusting his house and cat, Jelly Bean to Dewey's care while he is away, a series of mishaps happen in Malcolm vs. Reese. Lois' attempt to get rid of the sleeping cats results in the fire that destroys Craig's apartment. He lives with Malcolm's family for a short time until the boys' scheme to cover their tracks ends up getting him out. The series ends with Reese Wilkerson moving out of the house and becoming Craig's roommate.

Though he thinks himself a close friend of the Family, the truth is they really can't stand Craig and like everyone else, find him irritating, spineless and insufferable.

In the season 4 episode "Forwards Backwards", Hal had a bad time trying to buy a comic book for Malcolm's birthday and, despite Lois' admonitions, he had to seek Craig's help with the negotiations. However, his constant demanding drove him crazy and an insult led to him abandoning Hal. Later on, Craig was able to save Hal from buying a bad comic book mark-up and forced the owner, Dean, to negotiate for a better comic book. Craig first thought of this as the beginning of a friendship between him and Hal. But when He invited Hal to a comic convention, Hal refused, mentioning he has a life. This shows Craig that even after all of this, the Wilkersons still view him as an expendable slave to take advantage of.

He was also enlisted by Reese after he got his driver's license suspended in "Malcolm Holds His Tongue". However, Craig had plans of his own and intentionally passed the concert. When Reese and Alison complained, he snapped, pulls his van to the side of the road and tells them off that he had planned this outing for 34 years and will not let them ruin it. Craig tells them that they're going on a hayride, dinner, and a bonfire at the beach. He mentions it will be a magical evening regardless of how Reese and Alison feel about it. She responded by pepper spaying Craig's eyes with a can of mace, unbuckled her seatbelt and opened the door to the backseat. Alison hesitates when she hears him screaming out to Reese that he was told she'd like him and be nice to him. Upon hearing this from Craig, she is offended and gets out of the car. When Reese tried to escape with Alison, she positioned the can of mace in front of him and implying she will do the same thing to him like Craig if she isn't allowed to go her own way. He ended up having to spend the rest of his evening with Craig, whom he later blames for ruining his date plans. Reese discovers that he hadn't been listening and thinks his tirades were worth it. Craig not only got his date like he wanted, but also got revenge on Reese for his attempts to renege out of it.

In the season 5 episode "Malcolm's Job", Craig appeared in the Lucky Aide trainee video playing the role of district manager at the Lucky Aide. When Malcolm confronts him about his appearance in the video, Craig ignores him and pretends to take notes. However, Lois finds out from him and confronts Craig. He finally confesses that their boss paid him to do the video in exchange of getting the managerial position back even though he originally wanted to give the job to her because she was the best suited for it. Angered, Lois reminded Craig about how she felt in refusing the job earlier in order to be at home to micromanage her family. In Watching The Baby, Craig was demoted after several complaints made along with Hal leading his co-workers to rebel against him. It was also possible that when Lois found out about the incident the next day, she let him know about it.

In the season 6 episode "Living Will" Craig has issues with his athletic and fit father, Vic Feldspar, who owns multiple gyms. He once tricked Craig into believing his mother was fit and would be thoroughly disappointed in him if she saw him obese. However, Malcolm foils that plan when he reveals a photo of Craig's mother in Vic's wallet, proving the opposite. He demanded to know why there was no photos of her in the tornado. Vic finally confesses that he lied about that because he caught his mother in an affair with the baker from the pie shop. Vic told her that either she ends her affair with him or else she'll never see Craig again. His mother defiantly divorced him and ran off with the baker. Then a few days later, she sued Vic for full custody of Craig and lost. After learning the truth, Craig stood up to his father again. He demanded that he stay out of his life for good because he wants to remain in his current job and friends. Although unhappy about his choice, Vic finally agreed to leave Craig's life for good. As pitiful as his life currently is, Craig much prefers this over being under Vic's scrutiny in being forced to take over his gyms.

Personality[]

Craig is described as an unassuming man on the outside. However, he is also shown to be annoying, insufferable and spineless, which is why no one likes him too much. Craig is capable of psychological warfare when needed to be, shown in Malcolm Holds His Tongue when he intentionally ruined Reese's date with Alison with his tirades.

Episode Appearances[]

Trivia[]

  • Craig accepted at the age of 22 that his life is a piece of rotten garbage and always will be. But that doesn't mean he can't enjoy the heck out of every moment.
    • This is very similar to Reese. However the only difference between them, is that he long accepted this reality at 18 and even Hal. Whereas, it took Lois several episodes to accept this.
  • Craig is Desk Sergeant at the Neighborhood Watch.
  • Craig is a 14th level elf cleric. As he told his father in the episode "Living Will".
  • Craig is also a well known level 45 Dungeon-Master (funny, because a Dungeon-Master does not gain levels).
  • Craig is also known to have extensive knowledge on rare comic books, which proved useful against Dean (who tries to scam Hal by selling him the first issue of a comic that was never sold and all the copies were returned due to the bad quality of the comic).
  • Craig has a pet cat named Jellybean.
    • Originally, Jellybean was referred to as male, only for Craig to refer to it as female later in the series. This may either be due to Craig replacing Jellybean, or initially assuming it was male before finding out otherwise.
  • Craig's apartment number is 2816 ½.
  • Craig has two plastic boxes under his bed, one contains a lot of photographs of Lois that you can see have been taken in a perverted way and without her realizing it; and the other, which has two small dolls, both with lucky aide's uniform, lying down and holding hands, a man with lenses drawn on the face and the other, a female with a lock of natural red hair(which was Lois's original natural hair color before it went darker).
    • It's revealed that Craig only has an infatuation with Lois because he sees her as a mother figure that he desperately wanted since he never had a mom in his life. Hence, he wants to enjoy having the motherly connection despite her being a overt control freak. This is confirmed in season 6's Living Will.
  • Despite being considered a geek and having no social life or luck with women, Craig had an affair that lasted 5 months with Paula, his boss's wife.
  • Craig is one of two recurring characters whose actor has the middle name Anthony; the other is Abe Kenarban.
  • As a kid, while Craig was watching Land of the Lost (a 1974 TV Series) on his tiny black-and-white six-inch TV screen, he dreamt of a day where he could create his own high-definition universe. This finally happened in Reese Drives.
  • The episode Garage Sale seems to suggest that Craig, Hal, and Lois all went to the same college. In the flashback to Hal as Kid Charlamagne, Lois runs in dressed in cheerleader garb to call Hal over to the game, as he is the school mascot. Later, when Craig and Hal are driving away from the FCC agents, Craig recognizes Hal as Kid Charlamagne. Due to the very limited radius that Hal's show reached, this means that Craig either attended the same college as Hal or simply lived within the area his show could be heard on the radio.
  • It is implied Craig has Hypoglycemia in Reese's Job, as he mentions his blood sugar is "dangerously low".
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