Humilithion is the second episode of season four of Malcolm in the Middle.
Synopsis[]
It's Malcolm's first day of high school, but on the first day, he's already embarrassed by his mom and gets a nickname that'll stick with him for life. Meanwhile, Francis finally has a boss who is kind and accommodating but learns that this comes with its own challenges.
Plot[]
In the opening scene, Francis calls Hal and offers to send home money to help pay bills. Hal however thinks that he is asking for money, telling him they can't send him money. Lois overhears his conversation and claims he should just send him the money just so this conversation can end since they’re running late. Hal tells Francis his mother says it’s okay but they need to run. After hanging up and on their way out, Francis expresses annoyance over the fundamental misunderstanding.
Malcolm goes to high school for his first day. Unlike everyone else, Malcolm is very excited for his first day since now that he's officially done with junior high he's no longer a Krelboyne anymore. Now he can be whoever he wants to be and he no longer needs to worry about labels, cliques or who's cool, and he claims the twitch in his eye is an excited twitch not a nervous one.
Lois asks if they can all just eat their breakfast without anymore complaining, but Hal is upset that himself and Lois have to do work for the school for the first week. Lois reminds him that they got caught and after ducking down and avoided involvement for 12 years they were bound to get them eventually. Lois and Hal tell Dewey since he'll be coming home from school at 3:00, they're giving him a key to the house to let himself in. He's to come straight home after school and will be alone until his brothers return home 15 minutes later, emphasizing to the older boys not one second longer. Lois tells Dewey they trust him to be responsible and he's now a latchkey kid.
In the van, Lois tells Malcolm if any older kids pick on him to go straight back to his old teacher. Malcolm states he's not going back to Mr. Herkabe for anything, but Lois states that he has a friend in high places: Mr. Herkabe is the new dean of discipline. Malcolm establishes that Mr. Herkabe is not his friend and he's a psychopath and he actually told him that he's been out to get Malcolm since the day they met. Hal wonders what’s wrong with the van since he’s gone 30 miles since the gas light came on the previous night and they’re still going. Reese and Malcolm then make up excuses to let them off so no one can see their parents dropping them off, but Lois tells them not to be silly since they’re all going to the same place. Lois tells Hal to pull over by the cheerleaders, the boys concoct a scheme to escape before the cheerleaders see them.
At the front entrance of the school, Malcolm thanks Reese for his distraction. Reese assures him that the firecracker did all the work and that the good thing about cheerleaders is they stampede easy. Malcolm claims they should get inside before their parents see them but he is stopped by Mr. Herkabe, who is working at the high school, giving assignments to the helper parents. Mr. Herkabe sarcastically claims now that the golden boy has arrived they can release the doves. He then addresses Reese and informs him that if he tries anything at all he’ll go medieval on his permanent record. Reese isn’t intimidated and asks Mr. Herkabe if he knows what happened to the old dean of discipline.
They both run away as Lois and Hal come over to Mr. Herkabe and Lois states how exciting it is to be there on the first day of school, Mr. Herkabe agrees comparing it to being at a cockfight before they open the cages. Hal asks about if the two hour parking includes travel time but is ignored. Mr. Herkabe assigns Lois to hand out health forms and Hal to report to the north field. Hal asks if they can do something together, after checking Mr. Herkabe refuses, but states they both must feel better knowing they tried, causing Hal to glare in annoyance at him.
At the Grotto, Francis runs into the stables where a woman is waiting and he apologizes since they’re short handed today and he had to help make breakfast. He introduces her to her horse Sparky and offers her a croissant while she waits. Otto comes in and Francis asks what happened to his co-workers Bill and Andy, Otto informs him they’re on vacation and how Alex and Dan, the two meant to be covering for them Otto allowed them to go on a fishing trip until next Wednesday. Francis tells Otto he thinks it’s wonderful he’s so accommodating but he is being way too nice to the other co-workers by giving them all vacations and time off, meaning that he's the only one who has to do all of the work and reminds him he’s running a business.
Malcolm runs into his old friends are very embarrassing and he tries avoiding them in order to keep himself from being bullied like he was in middle school but he eventually goes over where Lloyd expresses his concern over the confusing maps and Malcolm asks if they could talk quieter not to draw attention to themselves. Stevie claims he’s ready to cry and Kevin is upset that the map is not to scale. Cynthia is excited, but disoriented and they should keep her away from the heavy machinery before cackling loudly as Malcolm slowly backs away. Dabney claims they should’ve taken a dry run of the school last week but they all ignored him.
As Lois hands out flyers she tells one girl to button her top since boys like a little mystery she tells another volunteer that she’s having fun and doesn’t know why she avoided it for so long, meanwhile Hal is on the north field trying to pick up fliers blowing in the wind.
With the new schedule going on, Dewey gets to stay at home alone for a large amount of the day and begins to enjoy his life at home, not having to put up with his annoying brothers and his mean parents. He starts off by having conversations with himself at the table and how he believes that the table should be in front of the TV, the couch should be in front of the refrigerator, there should be hand-me-ups instead of hand-me-downs, kids should be able to steer the car and school should only be four hours a day and be held on top of the building.
When Malcolm is in line to get his textbook for the year, he states that although he hasn’t made any new friends yet, he did manage to avoid all his old ones. He says he’ll make it up to them when he becomes popular, but says he won’t and intends to abandon them entirely. When he receives his textbook he notices that it has been vandalized with markers, torn out pages in it and is in extremely poor quality. He goes to return it, but the lady who handed it to him has traded places with another, who assumes that he's the one who destroyed it, informing him he can’t return it in such poor condition and if he wants another one he’ll have to pay 30 dollars for it. He goes to complain to Lois, who is also giving out textbooks for the school. He asks her to inform her how he did nothing wrong, but when he does, Lois notices a stain on his pants and starts cleaning it and complaining about it in front of everyone and drags him off to find some club sofa to get it out. His old friends watch and Stevie says that it's instant karma for how he ignored them.
The next day, Malcolm discovers the entire school has nicknamed him "Stain". Reese runs up and thanks him for making such a colossal fool of himself, no one will notice Reese if he does anything wrong.
Lois finishes tacking papers to a bulletin board as Hal begins flirting with her. They're interrupted by Mr. Herkabe, who chides Hal for not finishing his own assigned task, while Hal snaps back saying he'll get to it. Mr. Herkabe leaves and Hal resumes flirting, ending with Lois pulling him into a janitor's closet.
Back at the house Dewey spends his alone time dancing with a broom to "Papa Loves Mambo" by Nat King Cole until Malcolm arrives and he turns the radio off and the TV on before greeting him. Malcolm informs Dewey that he was the fool for believing there was such a thing as kindness and decency in the world, since the rest of the students took the first opportunity to judge him and make him an outcast. Dewey simply says "Okay" since he didn't care.
Hal finds Mr. Herkabe and apologizes for any attitude earlier. He refuses the apology however, and expels Hal from his work at the school.
In the boys' room, Reese says how refreshing it is to be part of something right from the beginning and taunts Malcolm over the nickname "Stain", revealing in how simple it is and how it is one of those rare nicknames that will haunt Malcolm for life. Emphasizing how it’s so iconic it’s already making him forget what his old name is guessing if it’s Monty, Marco and Murgatroyd.
That evening while doing dishes, Hal is upset about his expulsion, vowing Mr. Herkabe's victory won't last. Lois reminds him that he didn’t even want to volunteer in the first place. But Hal says that since Mr. Herkabe didn’t know that he thinks he won. In the living room, Dewey quietly makes a phone call pretending to be his father, ordering something to be delivered and emphasizing he wants it there off the truck by 3:00 and not a minute later.
Back at the ranch, Francis fills in for the masseuse. As he struggles to set up the table, he talks with the woman staying in the cabin, and his presumed massage client. She enters fully dressed and leaves through the front door, calling out happy anniversary to someone unseen. Francis turns around to see a very obese and hairy man standing behind him. The massage goes well for the client, though Francis is disgusted the whole time.
Dewey enters the garage and uncovers a hidden piano. He opens a book titled "Learn Piano in 15 Minutes a Day" and begins to play Clair de Lune.
Malcolm is sitting at lunch all alone because nobody likes him. His old friends sit down and inform him they've joined Chess Club, and he's welcome too and how Lloyd got the position of king, and Dabney is the queen, who is actually the more powerful position. Malcolm tells them that he doesn't deserve friends like them and although he appreciates the gesture he doesn't want to drag them down and tells them they're all better off without him. He states that, while he knows it's shallow, he wants to be known as someone likeable in front of the other high schoolers, and he really cares about other people's opinions of him. He admits defeat and accepts that his three years as a Krelboyne prepared him for four years as a joke.
Mr. Herkabe walks along the school, stopping when he realizes he just walked past Hal, who is mopping the floor; He's decided to return and finish his volunteer work. Mr. Herkabe protests that's not allowed, but Hal points out the excellent mopping job he's done. Mr. Herkabe says it's not clean, grabs soil from a nearby potted plant, and starts trailing it on the ground while Hal furiously tries to keep up. He escalates to spilling trash, and Hal smacks him with the mop. He falls, then grabs a nearby mop and the two have a duel, culminating in them arcing two very wet mops toward each other. After, in the principal's office, Mr. Herkabe blames Hal for starting it.
At the ranch, Francis packs away his belongings, preparing to quit. Otto won't listen as he tries to leave, insisting on dragging Francis outside to see something: A new truck to replace their broken car. Francis immediately changes his tune and commends Otto as the best boss ever.
Cynthia approaches Malcolm and suggests joining her yoga class to cheer him up. Reese appears and tells Malcolm that Lois is at the school and she is upset that Hal got in trouble for fighting with Mr. Herkabe. Malcolm then realizes the opportunity before him. He tells Cynthia and Reese he is going to get sent to military school. He takes a hidden spare key on Hal's car and states his plan to crash it into Lois' van. This will get him into enough trouble to make Lois so furious she’ll send him off to military school, like Francis did when he was in high school and it’ll be paradise for him since he’ll have a fresh start. A crowd of students gather around as Lloyd states that he doesn’t want to nitpick but he doesn’t have the right decals on the car, Kevin warns Malcolm that his shirt is caught in the car door and Dabney excitedly asks if he can come with him.
Malcolm reverses the car into position to ram Lois' van. Reese jumps in front of the car in an attempt to stop him stating he'll have to run him over before he moves because he would rather die than be stuck alone with Lois. As Malcolm revs the engine Reese immediately chickens out and runs away. When Cynthia sees this, she loudly tells Malcolm off that if he goes through with his plans, she'll never have sex with him "again". Malcolm is confused on that word, but upon hearing this the students all start to comment on them having sex, and label Cynthia as a slut, start forgetting about Malcolm's stain. Cynthia listens to the crowd's murmurs and grins. Malcolm, though he knows he should be learning a lesson, loves the idea of everyone in school thinking he's had sex. His happiness is short lived as Lois hauls him out of the car.
At breakfast the next morning, Reese gives Malcolm his pancakes and he did his laundry for him to get Malcolm to tell him about having sex with Cynthia. Malcolm tells Reese he isn't going to tell him since it didn't even happen, Reese only asks where didn't it happen. Hal and Lois ask Dewey how he's been doing with his latchkey responsibilities. Dewey claims he's adjusted to them, when Lois announces he no longer has to after she's rearranged her schedule so she can get home earlier. She takes the key away as Hal asks Dewey to help him clean out the garage the upcoming weekend. Dewey realizes he needs to get rid of the piano since his time to himself has come to an end.
Trivia[]
- Malcolm starts going to North High School in this episode.
- His High School set (specifically the inner schoolyard portion) was built on the same site on the CBS Studio Center as his Middle School.[1]
- Exterior shots, especially those involving Herkabe, were shot in front of Ulysses S. Grant High School here.[1]
- In this episode, Dewey is shown to be a musical prodigy, which would become a recurring theme in the series.
- This is Cynthia's last appearance in the series. It is possible that she transferred schools after she ruined her reputation for Malcolm by being branded a slut by the entire population of students at North High.
- The song that plays while Dewey is dancing with the broom was "Papa Loves Mambo" by Nat King Cole.
- The song that Dewey plays on the piano is "Clair De Lune".
- This episode deviates from the fact that, mostly, the cold openings have nothing to do with the episode they introduce or in fact any other episode. In this case however, Francis has just started working at the Ranch which is in keeping with the events of the last and current episode.
- This was the third time overall. Previously this occurred in Emancipation and Traffic Jam. Later episodes are Day Care, Reese Joins the Army: Part 2, Reese Comes Home and finally College Recruiters.
- In an original ending, Malcolm and Reese finds out about the piano in the garage and destroys it just to mess with Dewey. This was dropped after being deemed unnecessary and the writers thought that Malcolm and Reese would be so busy focusing on their high school reputations, they wouldn’t care about what Dewey was doing.
- Piama is absent in this episode.
Errors[]
- Cynthia's boobs are nowhere near as big as they were shown to be in Cynthia's Back, proving that to have been faked.
- Malcolm had strapped on the seat belt when he got into the car to execute his plan, but despite that, Lois still pulled him out of the car while Malcolm's seat belt was still buckled.
- There is a sound of a door opening just before Lois pulls Malcolm from the car, but the widescreen shows the door was open for the entire shot.
- If Malcolm had been grounded by Lois for attempting to crash his father’s car, then he never would’ve been allowed to have pancakes for breakfast the next morning.