Plot[edit | edit source]
Malcolm’s schoolwork suffers when he gets his first official girlfriend. Francis is arrested for stealing a donut from the dumpster and is enthralled by the real life soap opera playing out in jail. Dewey makes a new friend - a real one.
Synopsis[edit | edit source]
In the cold opening, Reese wagers $10 that he will go all the way across the street to Mrs. Conlin's house naked and ring the doorbell. Malcolm doesn't have the $10, but Dewey pays it. Reese takes two pans to comply with the wager, he then walks out of the house to ring her doorbell. Unfortunately for Reese, Malcolm and Dewey opened Mrs. Conlin's gate which has a dog that attacks him. Malcolm and Dewey laugh at Reese while he screams in pain.
At school, Stevie is telling Malcolm how the universe can be infinite and unbounded, but Malcolm isn't paying attention. Malcolm is paying attention to Sara Coleman who is so beautiful, Stevie tells him that he does this every day, and suggests asking her out. Malcolm says that Sara would never go out with someone like him, as she is cool, smart, and good-looking, therefore it would never happen as he is destined to be the most miserable person on Earth. Malcolm continues explaining to Stevie that it can be complicated but then Sara's friend walks up to Malcolm and asks him if he likes Sara, Stevie answers yes for him, and it is revealed that Sara likes Malcolm as well. After getting a girlfriend (whose face is never shown on camera), Malcolm begins to enjoy the pros and cons.
Francis has arrived in Alaska. However, he has been arrested for taking a donut out of the dumpster which he had to fight a cat to obtain it. Despite this, the restaurant owner insisted on pressing charges. Chad the Alaskan sheriff tells him that he knows the man's temper very well and that he will lose interest in four or five days. Francis tries to tell him that he's late for a logging job in Mamu and he can't afford to stay a few days in jail. Chad tries to calm him down by mentioning that it won't be so bad with three square meals a day courtesy of his wife Vanessa, the wife offers Francis his choice of meals, he chooses a porterhouse steak. Vanessa then puckers her lips and rotates her tongue to another officer named Brock, leaving Francis curious.
Back at the Wilkerson house, Hal is telling everyone about his day at work, then he realizes that it isn't interesting to everyone, Lois then asks Dewey how his day was. Dewey says that he made a new friend named Ronnie who recently moved to town, he then says he is rich and has a lot of fun things like a Nintendo, a PlayStation, and a nanny. Hal waves to the empty chair next to Dewey thinking that he is an imaginary friend, Dewey states that he is real. and that he can make real friends, too. Lois says he can if he doesn't get too frustrated if it takes him a little longer than all the other kids, Dewey insists that his new friend Ronnie is real. Reese is childishly poking holes in his shirt with a table knife, Lois sees this and Reese blurts out that Malcolm has a girlfriend which surprises everyone, Reese immediately regrets his action as he was saving it when for report card day. Malcolm explains to his family that they are just friends, Lois then starts telling him that he cannot do this kind of thing yet, Reese makes it worse by telling her he saw Malcolm and his girlfriend French-kissing behind the 7-Eleven. Lois becomes more mad and asks Malcolm if he cares about going to college or his future, then she tells him that he isn't mature enough to prioritize between schoolwork and a girlfriend, Hal supports Lois' opinion and points out that he had to wait until he was a certain age before he had any kind of relationship, that it was a simpler time. The doorbell rings, Dewey goes to answer it, Reese taunts Malcolm by saying it is his girlfriend who came for more French-kissing. Lois demands answers from Malcolm, he gets up from his seat at the table and tells her to stop making such a big deal out of it, he also explains that this is the reason he didn't want to tell anyone because he knew this is how everyone would react and tells everyone loud and clear that it is nobody's business but his. Dewey introduces his friend Ronnie to everyone, and rests his case when he said he is real.
Dewey's is over at his new friend Ronnie's house, his mother comes into the bedroom, she asks Ronnie to empty the dishwasher for her, Ronnie obliges. Ronnie's mother talks with Dewey and tells him that Ronnie's birthday is coming up, that he doesn't know a lot of kids in the neighborhood and asks him for his help. Dewey agrees to help her, Ronnie's mother tells Dewey to invite his entire class. She asks him if this is the norm for for him. Dewey says no and flashbacks occur to his previous birthday parties all of which were horrible thanks to his family ruining things for him. In the first flashback, Hal comes home from his golfing trip, while Lois and the boys were waiting for him. Instead of apologizing, he laughs and asks what's the celebration for. This lead to Lois yelling at Hal for forgetting Dewey's birthday. In the 2nd flashback, Malcolm and Reese giving out birthday punches to him while Lois ignores it because she's fighting with Francis who wants to hang out at Richie's house. In the last flashback, Dewey is spending his birthday alone, while his family are focused on themselves. Ronnie's mother feels bad for him. She suggests that Ronnie would want to be thrown a Star Wars-themed birthday party. Dewey suggests a cowboy themed party, to which she agrees to.
Back with Francis at the Sheriff's Department in Alaska, he is watching Chad's wife Vanessa cheat on him by making out with another officer named Brock, she worries that her husband Chad is getting suspicious, asking questions at an orphanage, and wants to skip town. Brock does not want to, as he would be losing all the money they have embezzled. Vanessa questions his trustworthiness since Brock has not told their friend Cassandra about their relationship, Brock tells her to be respectful as Cassandra is still in a coma. Francis is enjoying the live soap-opera, Chad arrives from the Mayor's office informing that the mayor thinks he is going to deny their real estate deal, Vanessa tells him that they can't let him do that, because they have pictures of him and the Hastings girl. Chad tells her that the photos are already on their way to the newspapers, their defamation against the mayor will destroy his reputation. Vanessa is pleased, she mentions that they must deal with Old Man Landers and suggests sending Largo to pay him a visit, both of them chuckle in agreement. Another inmate is put in the same cell, he asks Francis what he missed.
Back at the Wilkerson house, Malcolm is on the phone with his girlfriend Sara, Lois barges in informing him of a phone call from Mr. Herkabe, saying he got Cs on his last two tests, and that he has not turned in his history paper. Lois tells him that she warned him about these consequences, Malcolm insists that it has nothing to do with his girlfriend, that he simply forgot and that he is working on the history paper right now. Lois leaves, Malcolm returns to his conversation with Sara on the phone and like any cute couple, decide to hang up the quickest proving Lois' point that he is obsessed with her.
In the master bedroom, Lois tells Hal that it is all his fault for Malcolm's relationship because he bought him an acne medicine, Hal defends himself believing they were safe from any issues regarding it. Lois tells him that they shouldn't have to worry about Malcolm's relationship, he is gifted with intelligence, attending the appropriate classes, and that no girl should be interested in him until he is 28 and a billionaire. Hal states that some things are beyond a boy's control; it's Malcolm's genetics, other girls naturally fall for it. There is nothing that can be done, Lois says that he can keep grounding him until he graduates from Harvard, Hal warns her if they push too hard with unreasonable decisions, then Malcolm will want to separate himself from the family and may even become so repressed by anger that he lashes out with violence the same way as Francis. Lois asks if he is blaming Francis on her, Hal assures her that isn't the case, and that it should not distract them from having sex tonight. Lois is a little upset with the fact that their boys can never learn from their mistakes and asks if they are purposefully being idiotic, Hal believes it is the only logical conclusion. Lois then ponders about how they have to visit their son's families when they go on to start their own lives, Hal says to her that it won't happen, because they will be older living along together in their big, empty house with their finances helping no one else. Hal and Lois begin kissing.
The next day at school, Malcolm is looking for his girlfriend Sara and asks his Krelboyne friends if they have seen her. Malcolm sees that she is two minutes late meeting him, he believes it was implied. Stevie asks what the emphasis on "implied" means, and Malcolm tells them that it is what he and Sara do at given times throughout the school day. Dabney comments on how having a girlfriend can be so creepy, Malcolm says it's totally normal with spending time together and learning habits, he then tells him to back off until he starts a relationship. Malcolm's obsessions with his relationship are starting to surface.
At Ronnie's house, Dewey comes in and Ronnie's mom tells him he has booked a cowboy for Ronnie's party, Dewey suggests a bouncy house for the party.
At the Wilkerson house, Malcolm and Sara are making out in the backyard, Malcolm acknowledges that his relationship is starting to make sense, there was a pattern of fighting, then making out. Five minutes ago they were screaming at each other, but have moved past it really quick. Sara decides to leave, she and Malcolm have been kissing for two hours and now her face is sore. Malcolm is understanding of Sara, then he asks her if she is seeing someone else, Malcolm tells her it was nothing, Sara leaves to go home. Reese was on the roof watching everything happen, Malcolm is surprised by this but Reese tells him that was the last time, he then tells Malcolm that just because he has a girl to be with doesn't mean he should act like one. Malcolm says that he does not know what is wrong with her and that she is driving him crazy, Reese says that he thinks about everything too much, Reese tells him he should calm down and turn off his brain, Malcolm says it isn't easy, Reese says on the contrary because he doesn't it all the time. Reese demonstrates how he does it and asks how long he was out.
At the Alaskan Sheriff's Department, Francis and an inmate continue enjoying the real life soap opera involving the sheriff and the other guards' lives. Officer Brock is telling Vanessa that he pulled a disfigured passenger out from a vehicle wreckage, not knowing it was his own sister, Vanessa assures him that Dmitri is the best facial reconstruction in the state. Francis asks about who Dmitri is, the inmate tells him that Dmitri is the head of the Municipal Hospital who had an affair with Vanessa last year, Officer Brock orders him and Francis to shut up.
At school during lunch, Malcolm is behind on an assignment about Cambodia and asks to borrow it from his friend's to catch up. Stevie asks where he was last night, Lloyd says that the Space: 1999 marathon was on the Sci-Fi Channel. Dabney made him a tunic and a hologram badge for cosplay, Malcolm tries to explain, but Dabney says he already gave the cosplay outfit to his mom's boyfriend. Suddenly Malcolm sees Sara talking with another boy, Malcolm explains that he and Sara were on the phone, and assures it won't happen again. , he says he might have turned a corner on his relationship's situation, working it all out. He leaves the lunch table to walk over to his girlfriend. Stevie says that Malcolm's apology was sincere and honest, everyone else agrees and mentions how he was there for them when the local Arboretum burned down, in the background, Malcolm charges at the boy Sara was talking to and then starts assaulting him in front of several other students, a school staff member intervenes.
Dewey is passing out invitations to Ronnie's cowboy-themed party to his classmates, informing them of the many amenities that will be there. Lois learns of Malcolm's assault on another student and drags him into the house, seating him in the living room table after driving him home from school. Lois starts berating Malcolm about how he was put on probation for his actions, and that one more action will result in his expulsion, he starts questioning him on how this is the person he wants to be putting his relationship before everything else, she reminds him that the kid he beat up with a foreign exchange student named Zadoc. Malcolm is silent, Lois yells for an answer, Malcolm answers in the loudest tone telling her off that he has bigger problems to deal with all thanks to his relationship with his girlfriend and recites the action he committed saying no one seems to be aware of his situation. He leaves the room angrily clearly not aware of anything Lois was saying.
In the Alaskan Sheriff's department, the live soap opera is reaching its conclusion. Vanessa believes that they can get away with their scandal, Brock says that she will never pass the police's DNA test and that her lies won't be enough this time. Another officer inquires who purchased the mining rights if it wasn't him. The true identity is of the buyer is the same person whole stole Mrs. Bronson's diamond brooch and ran Nathaniel's car off the road, all is about to be revealed, Francis starts to forget about the logging job that Eric is trying to get them in Mamu and focuses on the exciting conclusion. But before the guard can reveal the name of the person responsible, another officer tells Francis that the owner has dropped the charges and he is free to go. He refuses to leave because he was about to learn who it was, he starts guessing key suspects hoping to get an answer as they escort him out the door.
At the end of the school day, Malcolm tells us that he didn't understand a single word that was spoken in the last six hours, he is exhausted, unable to sleep all night, but despite all that he has finally figured out a solution to his problems. He goes over to talk to Sara and tells her that the relationship isn't working, that ever since he started dating her he has been nothing but obsessive, neurotic, and a jealous creep. Malcolm gives her a pager to know where she will be hoping to finally be able to trust each other. Unfortunately, Sara says that it's best if they break up. Rather than being understanding, Malcolm proposes the opposite, Sara apologizes for the break up and leaves. Malcolm starts acting out in front of other students going back to back with anger and love, at first he denies it but then states he doesn't need her but then admits that he loves her and they were meant to be together only to break down in tears ending in complete sadness.
At Ronnie's birthday party, Dewey is having the time of his life enjoying the first normal birthday he's had. Ronnie is still angered by this. Hal tries to comfort Malcolm in teaching him about break ups. He decides to go back into childhood when he was carefree and heads inside the inflatable bouncy castle. Dewey tells Malcolm to go away because he's too big to be inside and is going to ruin everything for him. Malcolm ignores him anyway and goes inside there. Sure enough, he's big enough to deflate the bouncy castle causing a fiasco ruining several things and Hal goes to rescue Dewey from the bouncy house frightening many young children with a giant kitchen knife. Ronnie is happy that he's finally gotten karma from Malcolm due to Dewey stealing his birthday party. Hal tries to reassure him that everything is fine, but due to the loud deflating, Dewey can't hear him because the loud explosion caused him to be hard of hearing. Malcolm crawls out of the deflated bouncy castle and wishes for once in his life that God lets him learn his lesson without something terrible happening to him.
Cast[edit | edit source]
- Jane Kaczmerek as Lois
- Bryan Cranston as Hal
- Christopher Kennedy Masterson as Francis
- Justin Berfield as Reese
- Erik Per Sullivan as Dewey
- Frankie Muniz as Malcolm
Guest Stars[edit | edit source]
Recurring[edit | edit source]
- Cody Estes as young Malcolm
- Dillon John as young Reese
- Craig Lamar Taylor as Stevie
- Kyle Sullivan as Dabney Hooper
- Evan Matthew Cohen as Lloyd
- Kristin Quick as Flora Mayesh (Uncredited)
Cameos[edit | edit source]
- Matthew Dunn as young Dewey
- Alessandra Torresani as Sarah
- Christine Rose as Mrs. DeMarco
- Terry Rhoads as Sheriff Chad
- Karen Lorre as Vanessa (credited as Karen Witter Lorre)
- Colin Ferguson as Deputy Brock
- Logan O'Brien as Ronnie Demarco (credited as Logan Craig O'Brien)
- Marcella Lentz-Pope as Holly
- Jack Impellizzeri as Deputy #2
- Daniel 'Smalls' Johnson as Burly Guy (as Smalls)
- Jonathan Jones as Zadoc
- Malcolm David Kelley as Kid #1
- Charlie Stuart as Kid #2
- Mary Ann Springer as Girl saved by Hal (Uncredited)
- Matthew Dunn as Young Dewey (uncredited)
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Sarah was played by Alessandra Torresani, who also played Kirsten in the episode Thanksgiving.
- When Malcolm jumps in the inflatable bouncy house the Sesame Street theme song (1998-2001 version) is heard in the background.
- Malcolm kisses his new girlfriend here on this fake road on the premises of the CBS Studio Center. This private location would later be reused several times over the course of MitM, next time in Hal Coaches.
- When Hal explains when he started dating he said "there was a war on", he was talking about the Cold War between the United States and the former Soviet Union. Hal and Lois met some time in the late 1970s-early 1980s.
- In this episode, we learn that Dewey has had parties that were often times ruined due to his family.
- In the first flashback, Hal comes home asking what are they celebrating (forgetting that it is Dewey's birthday).
- In the second, Malcolm and Reese are giving Dewey birthday punches.
- In the third one Lois is having an argument with Francis in the background, while Dewey is alone with his birthday cake.
- The pictures in Ronnie's room show that his family visited The Colosseum in Rome and went skiing.
- Originally, Francis was allowed one phone call, to which he calls Eric to inform him that he's in jail in a town not too far from Mamu.
- In a later scene, Eric was planned to visit him there and tells him to leave Alaska. When Francis questions him, Eric reveals the job is a lot worse than anticipated. There are no other logging company wanted to hire him and only Lavernia could take him. However, instead of being a logger and getting paid good money, she reduced Eric to kitchen work. He warns Francis that Lavernia is a lot worse than Commandant Spangler and can break her employees with a debt book she keeps under lock and key(later revealed to be true in Charity). Eric implores him to return home and find a decent job in California.