Malcolm Babysits is the fifth episode of Season 1 of Malcolm in the Middle and the fifth episode overall of the show.
Summary[]
The family is forced to live in a trailer in their front yard while their house is fumigated; meanwhile, Malcolm becomes a babysitter for a rich family, Francis finds an old corpse at military school and gives it a proper send-off.
Plot[]
In the cold opening, Malcolm, Reese and Dewey are in the living room playing a violent video game. While doing so they are polite and courteous to each other, but when Lois comes in and says the game is too violent, she makes them watch an insipid educational television program. They immediately begin yelling at each other and start fighting.
In the kitchen, Malcolm attempts to persuade his parents to buy him a $90 robotics kit, but Lois tells him it's too expensive. Hal states that robots are evil giving examples of WestWorld, Terminator and how creepy Rosie the robot maid from "The Jetsons" was. Malcolm pries once again but Lois refuses and tells Malcolm if he wants the toy so badly, he can buy it himself and since he is starting a babysitting job for a family called the Inkster's next week and he can use the money and save up. Malcolm doesn't even know what the Inkster's will pay him. She tells him that they'll pay the same as all jobs pay: less than you're worth but just enough to make you come crawling back for more, before telling him it's bedtime. Malcolm states that all discussions in the household go the same way: he tells them his needs, they say no, and Hal reveals a cartoon character he's afraid of.
Lois punishes them, sending the boys to bed without properly getting ready. Reese says he hasn’t rinsed yet and Lois tells them that "Only boys who behave get to rinse!" and is in disbelief that every night they squabble before bedtime. Dewey asks his mom for a story, and she tells him a story about a little boy who drove his mother so crazy she decided to sell him to the circus. He questions if it’s an evil circus, but she tells him it’s a nice circus with monkeys, he thanks her. Hal notices a hole in the wall and pries it open, only to discover an infestation of insects. He attempts to spray them, but this proves futile, so he announces to the boys they’re all camping out in the den tonight.
At Marlin Academy, Stanley asks Francis if he’s going to open his mother’s care package. He says in a minute since he’s still savoring the glory of swiping Commandant Spangler’s master key that gives him access to every door in the school. This will give him the opportunity to expose every secret sin concealed by Marlin Academy to the harsh light of day. Stanley asks if he can open the package and Francis gives him permission. Upon opening it and finding bug infested cookies, he claims it as a mixed message per usual.
At the Inkster's high-class house, Malcolm is in awe, claiming it to be the biggest, nicest house he’s ever seen. He then admires their aquarium, especially admiring an emperor angelfish who they named Barney. Mrs. Inkster comes out of the kitchen and tells Malcolm they saved him some dinner, much to his shock and awe. Malcolm claims there must be some sort of catch, as Mr. Inkster informs him, he can’t watch TV. Unless he turns on the satellite first or else he’ll get nothing but pornography. As they leave Malcolm believes he’s having a spasm since the muscles in his face keep pulling on his mouth, realizing that for the first time in his life he’s happy.
The exterminator inspects the house as Hal questions how it could’ve gotten so bad so fast. The exterminator puts the blame on the candy wrappers and half-eaten cereal boxes in the crawlspace, speculating that "some creepy hobo" has been living down there. Lois and Hal immediately realize that the "hobo" is Dewey. The entire family moves into a trailer they borrowed from Craig in the front yard while their home is being fumigated. Malcolm tells his mom how humiliating it is to be staying in such a small trailer and wonders why the family can't stay in a nice hotel. Lois replies that it’s because they're giving all their money to the exterminators so they can stay in nice hotels. Lois thanks Craig for letting them borrow his trailer, he is glad that it’s getting used since he had originally bought it years ago to take on his honeymoon. Lois questions if he was married but he never was and instead lives on hope.
Francis and Stanley investigate the bowels of the school and Stanley states that there really was an old civil war amputorium. Francis says it’s almost as exciting as a room full of folding chairs. Francis tells him that he didn’t want to admit it, but Stanley has confirmed that Marlin Academy is the most boring place on Earth and they’re never going to find anything interesting, upon reaching the last door however, they find the skeletal corpse of the late janitor. They investigate further discovering that his name was Lester and Francis wonders how long he’s been down there. Stanley tastes his fingers and says Lester has been there since May of 1985. He questions how he knew that just by tasting him, but Stanley knew it from the date on the newspaper he was reading. Francis questions why he licked him to which he responds with “How often do you get to taste a mummy?”
Malcolm's cushy babysitting job with the Inksters earns him more money than his parents make, which provides relief from the trailer, until Malcolm learns that the trust placed in him in his new position is strictly limited. Although the Inksters profess to Malcolm that they consider him part of the family, he mixes up the TV remote controls up and accidentally switches to a channel that's broadcasting security camera footage that shows Malcolm's every move. Malcolm tells them off by pretending to begin to blend their prized pet fish in a blender and then quits, which the parents witness as they're reviewing the footage from when they were away. This behavior makes Malcolm treasure his own family more, because "with them, at least you know where you stand."
Meanwhile, the military school's master key leads Francis to a corpse, for which he feels obligated to provide a proper send-off. After his military school buddies disrespect the cadaver by partying around it, Francis convinces them to set the body afloat on a flaming boat like Vikings used to do, right before he rips off what he thought was a fake joke mustache on the body. The fiery boat in which they place the body was doused with too much gasoline and one of Francis' classmates accidentally leaves the gas can on the boat. Eventually, the boat explodes and crashes into the boat house, setting it on fire. Francis and his comrades run away as fast as possible to avoid trouble with the Commandant.
Hal and Lois begin fighting profusely for some reason, the reason of which Hal realizes later in the episode: the family's new and temporary close quarters have affected Lois and Hal's ability to make love, which is what keeps them benevolent towards each other. Hal purchases gas masks for him and Lois so that they can safely enter the chemically poisoned home and release their frustration.
Trivia[]
- When the boys are playing a violent video game, they are calm and polite to each other, but when Lois makes them watch an insipid educational television program, they immediately begin fighting. This is most likely a parody of the controversy at the time that said that violent content in children's games promotes violence in real life. At various times through history this claim has also been made of Rock and Roll, comic books, and violent television shows, among others.
- It is revealed that before he started dating Lois, Hal was in a relationship with her sister, Susan Welker. This would be the first time in the series that Susan was ever mentioned.
- It is revealed that Mrs. Inkster keeps a kiss from another woman on a hidden napkin.
- Hal and Lois use gas masks to make love inside their tented home. When Bryan Cranston later stars in Breaking Bad, he often wears masks while inside tented houses while making meth.
- Hal expresses a fear of evil robots, and Malcolm mentions that he's also afraid of some cartoon characters.
- Eric Stonestreet (Cam in Modern Family) plays the exterminator.
- This episode gives Malcolm his first job.
Goofs[]
- When Reese drops Malcolm's toothbrush in the toilet, the bowl is as high as his waist, too high for anyone to actually use. But when Lois comes in a few moments later to pull Dewey out of toilet, it doesn't even reach her knees.
