It was directed by Jeff Melman and written both by Gary Murphy & Neil Thompson. The episode aired on January 5th, 2003
Plot[edit | edit source]
When Malcolm is kicked out of the basketball team, he decides to keep his opinions to himself. Though it starts off great, he eventually develops stomach ulcer. Meanwhile, Hal tries race-walking and ends up with a rival. After getting his license revoked and with Hal and Lois refusing to take him, Reese must enlist Craig as a chauffeur so he can accompany Alison to a concert, but is in over his head when he learns of Craig's real intentions for a hayride date and won't let him renege out of it.
Summary[edit | edit source]
Malcolm has recently joined the high school basketball team, but when his verbal criticism of the coach's game plans get him kicked off the team, he laments that his own smart mouth continually lands him in hot water. When Lois happens to bitch about a minor housekeeping offense, Malcolm silences his wise-assed inner voice by merely apologizing for the infraction. This defrays the confrontation and elicits pleasantry from Lois who realizes she caught him in a bad time. She tells him that since he's busy studying with Stevie, they can talk about this later. By holding his tongue, Malcolm's able to get back onto the basketball team, win the favor of girlfriend Nicki, earn a sudden allowance from Hal, and dispel Lois' wrath.
Meanwhile, Reese wishes to accompany Alison to the concert. However after having his drivers license suspended because his public defender refused to try the insanity defense(possibly aware of Reese's reputation as being destructive), she makes her ultimatum clear to him: either find someone to drive them to the concert or else she will dump him. Reese tries to go to his parents for help to drive them to the concert. Unfortunately, Hal is uncooperative and refuses to help him out. He reminds Reese that his car is in the shop and Lois needs hers to go to work. Hence, Hal tells him that he needs to find someone else to drive him to the concert. Reese bribes Craig with a warm and huge cinnamon roll in order to chauffeur them to the concert. Soon he finds himself in over his head when he learns that Craig has been calling him numerous times. During one visit, he tells Reese he's only got a two minute window because Lois thinks he's getting a humidifier in the stock room for a customer. Craig mentions that he needs to return before it's up and she will suspect where went. He tells Reese to help him music for their "date". Reese tries to mention that he was too busy with school. Craig doesn't get the idea and keeps pestering him with two sets of photos for clothes to decide the top and bottom for him to pick out. Reese then tries to remind Craig that his date is with Alison, not with him and he's only there to chauffeur them to the concert. He tells Reese off intends to keep calling him non stop until he goes through with their date for Saturday night.
Hal tries race-walking, but ends up as a rival named Wheeler. His attempts to find out his secret weapon proves to be fruitless and even Dewey is discouraging him to give up. However, Hal soon discovers Wheeler's dirty secret on the tape, the man cheats by power jogging. When confronted by the evidence, Wheeler is shocked but attempts to run for it by stealing the tape. Hal manages to stop his rival, but both crashed into the baby carriage.
Meanwhile, Malcolm's inner voice grows more sarcastic and downright demonic until, just as the hard-case coach is about to put him into the game, he spits up blood. It's a peptic ulcer, brought on by all his bottled-up stress, and an angry Lois complains over it. From his hospital bed, Malcolm gets annoyed and releases his full on anger. He showers Lois with a barrage of his classic complaining over how she stresses him out, how much he hates the hospital lack of service and even his own hatred for his former coach for being an idiot. Lois is at a loss of words as Malcolm continues complaining about the bedpan's itchiness.
While driving Reese and Alison to the concert, Craig selfishly and intentionally passes the concert by. Reese tells him that they missed the entrance to the concert. Craig tells them they're not going to the concert because he has plans of his own for his two passengers. He wants to start of his date with a hayride, then a nice dinner and end the evening at a nice, romantic bonfire at the beach. When Reese points out that Craig has just ruined his and Alison's date, he snaps, pulls over and stops his car. He furiously shouts at them that he's been planning this outing for 34 years and he won't let them ruin it. Craig tells Reese and Alison off that they're going on a hayride, dinner and then a bonfire at the beach which they will enjoy whether they like it or not. Alison having enough of his tirade, pepper sprays his face with a can of mace and unbuckles her seat belt. Reese tries to follow her out of the car, but she positions the can of mace as if telling him that she will spray his eyes next if he doesn't allow her to go her own way. She leaves the car and attends the concert alone. At the beach, a pissed off Reese is forced to spend the rest of his evening with Craig, toasting marshmallows and hearing him singing songs from Air Supply on his ukulele.
Cast[edit | edit source]
- Jane Kaczmerek as Lois
- Bryan Cranston as Hal
- Christopher Kennedy Masterson as Francis
- Justin Berfield as Reese
- Erik Per Sullivan as Dewey
- Frankie Muniz as Malcolm
Recurring[edit | edit source]
- Emy Coligado as Piama
- David Anthony Higgins as Craig
- Reagan Dale Neis as Nicki
- Craig Lamar Taylor as Stevie
- Brittany Renee Finamore as Alison
Cameos[edit | edit source]
- Kevin Kilner as Vince
- David Burke as Wheeler
- Jack McGee as Coach Oleski
- Jessica Hendry as Joy
- Edmund L Shaff as General
- David Grant Wright as an Officer
- Genievere Anderson as Groupie #1
- Mikki Padilla as Groupie #2
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Alisa Reyes makes a brief cameo as a concert attendee
- The song playing while Craig drives the teens on their date is "Telephone Line" by Electric Light Orchestra (ELO).
- The song playing while Hal trains for his race is "Pedal to the Metal" by Kazzer
- The park where Hal starts race-walking is the Van Nuys/Sherman Oaks Recreation Center. This location has previously been used several times: in Cynthia's Back and Hal Coaches.
- The scene in which Hal energetically helps an older woman across the road was filmed at Huston Road, corner Hazeltime Avenue.
- The song that Craig plays on his ukulele is Air Supply's "The One That You Love".
- This is the first episode to air in 2003.
Quotes[edit | edit source]
- Reese: Craig! You are ruining our date!
- Craig:(pulling over and slams on the brakes. He looks back at Reese & Alison with rage) Now listen here! Do you know how long I have dreamed and planned for this night? 34 YEARS AND I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU LITTLE BRATS RUIN IT!!! We're gonna have a hayride, dinner, and a bonfire and it will be a magical evening that will live in our hearts FOREVER!!!
- Alison: What's that on your glasses?
- Craig: (takes his glasses off) What?
- [Alison pepper sprays him with a can of mace.]
- Craig: Ahhhhhh!!!!! Reese, you said she would be nice to me. You said she'd like me!!!!
- [Alison looks at Reese, shocked over how he failed to contain Craig and unfastens her seat belt to get our of the car.]
- Reese: Yeah, let's ditch this loser.
- [Alison positions the mace can on Reese too, implying that she will spray him next if he doesn't let her go her own way. Reese smiles nervously.]
- Reese: Okay, see you in school.
- [Alison slams the door and leaves to attend the concert alone, while Reese is forced to spend the rest of his evening with Craig.]
- [At the beach in the final scene, Craig's vision in his eyes have returned albeit that the outer parts remain red from being sprayed with mace by Alison.]
- Craig: This is great, isn't it? Alison's nice, but I have to say I think a date's better with just two people.
- Reese: Can we stop calling this a date?
- Craig: Well, whatever it is, I can't wait to see the look on my neighbor's face when I come strolling home past eleven. Eat your heart out, Mrs. Clevasol.
- Reese: I think I missed my curfew.
- Craig: There are no curfews on a night like tonight.
- [He grabs a ukulele and starts singing a song by Air Supply while a pissed off Reese continues toasting marshmallows.]
Errors/Bloopers[edit | edit source]
- When Reese gives his dessert to Craig, the bowl is full. In the next few shots, the bowl is half empty and Craig has food remains on his right cheek. It is unsure if this is an error or is done for comedic effect as Craig is considered overweight.
- In one scene where Hal was looking at the Race Walkers, the screenshot was reversed.