Mrs. Tri-County is the 22nd episode of Season 6 and the 129th episode overall of Malcolm in the Middle. It aired on May 15, 2005.
Plot[]
In the opening scene Hal brings a piece of plywood out of the garage and asks one of the boys to give him a hand. Malcolm comes out and holds the plywood upright, Hal thanks him and is secretly glad it's him since whenever Reese helps him, he always manages to hurt himself. Hal then cuts the plywood with a buzzsaw inches away from Malcolm's head, with Malcolm now aware of how easy it is to get hurt.
Dewey walks into the bedroom where Malcolm and Reese can't stop laughing. They inform him when they were at the mall, entry forms for the upcoming Mrs. Tri-County pageant (a pageant for mothers) were being given out and they decide to enter Lois in the pageant as a joke. They can't help bursting into laughter over the questions on the entry form concerning how nice their mother is to them. Lois walks by and asks what they are laughing at, Malcolm makes up an excuse about Reese seeing a Japanese man vomit into an electric fan as Reese comments how technologically advanced the Japanese are. Lois leaves the room unamused.
Days later, as Lois goes through the bills in the mail, Hal comes in asking how bad it is. Lois says there’s nothing past second notice so far until she finds the entry form for the Mrs. Tri-County Pageant and that the boys must’ve entered her in it. Hal reads what they wrote about her and how they think they’re “lucky to have her in our lives”, “too special to be kept a secret” and “she suffers in silence” and is in disbelief at what they wrote. Lois is as well; except she is touched that after doing so many horrible things they go and do something wonderful for her. Hal changes his attitude and says what good boys they are. She brings up how she had to suffer through beauty pageants when she was younger slaving for her sister. Susan was always the big star, and she was her invisible little troll carrying her gowns and ironing her sashes. Hal states how no one ever appreciates the star maker as she brings up how one time when Susan was having her picture taken for a Dairy Princess pageant, a photographer stood on her back to take the photo. Hal claims those bastards wouldn’t know a dairy princess if it bit them on the ass. Lois decides to enter the pageant to show up Susan and finally prove her worthiness as well.
In the boy’s bedroom, Hal angrily confronts the boys for their prank. Malcolm claims they were just joking around and had no idea Reese would mail it. Dewey admits they were just goofing around and didn’t expect her to take it seriously. Hal agrees and states how stupid Lois must feel thinking her sons actually love her. He sarcastically brings up how funny it would be if they blindfolded her and pushed her down some stairs. They apologize but Hal informs them it’s officially too late for apologies and how they are going down to the community center as a family and the boys will do everything in their power to ensure that night is the most Un humiliating night of their mother's life.
The family arrive at the civic center and Lois is impressed by the scale of the production and admits that she’s a little nervous before being reassured by Hal. Malcolm sees Mr. Herkabe arguing with a pageant worker about the meagre selection of self-care products offered. Herkabe tells him he happens to be on the judging panel for the pageant before asking why he is there. Malcolm attempts to make an excuse, but Mr. Herkabe soon comes to the realization that his mother is in the pageant and brings up how he and asks if he finds it interesting. Malcolm guesses he’s going to have to know. The pageant worker returns and brings Mr. Herkabe a different box of self-care products. He selects a few items before ultimately deciding to take the whole box.
Arriving backstage, Betty, the pageant’s director informs the contestants to sign in to get their schedules, parking permits and dressing area assignments, and to make sure they’re back at 3 PM sharp to take a group photo with the state's largest pumpkin. The boys arrive backstage, and Reese is in disbelief at so many old broads trying to look hot and questions if they’re aware that they’re already done with them. Lois sees Donna, one of Susan’s pageant rivals and how she hasn’t seen her since they were teenagers. Donna introduces her friends and fellow contestants Darlene, Jeanie and Anne to Lois. Lois expresses disbelief that they’re all still doing pageants. Jeanie brings up how she quit a few years back to get to know her kids a little better until 9/11 happened and how they just can’t let the terrorists win. Donna asked where Susan is, but Lois informed her that she’s entering the pageant herself. Donna clearly in shock says she loves things like that, but Jeanie tells her not to feel bad since none of them have a chance either since Donna got Nina Perucci to coach her. Lois wonders how she managed that. Donna informed her that her husband Max got a nice bonus for Christmas, and she had a yeast infection until he wrote the check. Nina comes over and criticizes Donna’s posture, Lois brings up how amazing she is and Jeanie claims that she pioneered the use of backstage laxatives. Hal comes over and reminds Lois if they don’t sign up now, they’ll get a dressing room without a hook and if that’s what she wants. After she is out of earshot, Donna tells her friends how they know who will be winning “Mrs. Deluded”. Unbeknownst to them the boys overhear them and are furious at them for insulting their mom. Reese states, although he didn’t think it was possible the Mrs. Tri-County pageant is about to get even uglier.
Back at the house as Dewey does the dishes, Hal tells Lois he made an appointment for her facial tomorrow and how he doesn’t want to pick out jewelry until after they choose her gown. Hal second-guesses himself and tells her to let him worry about the dress and she can work on her talent act. Lois is unsure if she can even call it a talent, but Hal assures her how great it is and how he blocked out the next three hours for her to rehearse with Dewey. Dewey reminds his dad that he has homework, but Hal tells him to just buy it from the guy Reese buys his from.
At the civic center, as Lois and the other contestants rehearse Betty directs them on which lines on the stage to cross over. In the auditorium Mr. Herkabe asks a favor of Malcolm. He explains how he’s been exchanging some meaningful glances with one of the contestants. Malcolm wonders if he’s aware that they are all married. Mr. Herkabe says he’s well aware of that and that’s why it would be unconventional for him not to be discreet. He gives him a note to pass to Darlene Fisher, one of Donna’s friends.
During the Q&A rehearsal for the show as Darlene answers her question that although she is a mother, she must also remember that she is a woman. A woman who loves to give because it feels so good, causing Mr. Herkabe to break his pencil. Lois is called up by a judge named Phil who asks her "How has motherhood kept you young?" Lois responds by saying she has a problem with the question. She explains that motherhood does many things but the one thing it doesn't do is keep her young, if anything at ages her like crazy since being young is about having choices and once your become a mother you don't have any choices anymore due to sacrificing them all for her kids. Emphasizing that you lose sleep loving them, but the strange thing is she's at peace with it since it is like a wonderful curse. Her honest answer earns a round of applause from all of judges and the audience. Hal congratulates her and says he has no idea where she came up with that crap, but it worked. Donna is called up for her question and Phil asks her “What aspect of being a woman does she find most fulfilling?” Donna makes a futile attempt to copy Lois by saying what kind of a stupid question it is. Hal expresses how Donna went up in flames like the Hindenburg. Lois guesses she’s doing okay but Hal tells her not to keep high fiving herself and to get back to work.
Back at the house, Lois rehearses with Dewey playing the piano. Hal tells Lois it was pretty good. Unfortunately, there are three counties of women who are pretty good, and they need a winner. Lois claims it would be much easier if she could sing, dance or play a musical instrument. Hal tells her they’ll handle that later but right now; Hal has a problem with Dewey and claims that he doesn’t know anything about music but in the middle part Dewey is playing a light melody when he needs to do a more powerful tune. Dewey informs him that’s never going to happen. Hal claims he really doesn’t need this from him right now since they have one day to get their dress ready, their shoes aren’t dyed, and they have no idea where they’re going with Lois’s hair. Lois tells him to calm down and wonders what’s happening, since the pageant is supposed to be fun. Hal claims it is fun and puts on a forced laugh although it’s obvious the stress is overwhelming him.
Malcolm comes into his bedroom and claims that Lois better win the pageant since he’s getting to know way too much about Mr. Herkabe’s love life. He asked Reese if he’s found out anything from the pageant manual. Reese reads the pageant handbook and says how unbelievable it is. He tells him it’s over 200 pages of specific rules on what’s attractive and what isn’t and how there’s an entire page on ankle symmetry. Reese tells Malcolm he discovered that he’s beautiful, and he has perfect facial structure: his lips are exactly twice the length of the space between his eyes, his philtrum is gracefully tapered, his earlobe is the perfect 1.4 centimeters, and the list keeps going on and on and he can feel free to measure him if he wants. Malcolm wonders if he’s going to help Lois or not. Reese understands his anger since unattractive people can become very threatened by this and it’s probably why he has so few friends.
At the civic center on the night of the pageant, Mr. Herkabe approaches Malcolm and asks for a favor. Malcolm reminds him he already did him a favor with Darlene. Mr. Herkabe claims that it worked out well but now that she’s been smothering him, he’s officially sick of her and needs him to break up with her for him. Hal calls out to Malcolm from their seats and tells him to find Reese and take their seats since the judges need to see them all gazing adoringly up at their mother since the Henderson family is making them look like chumps. Hal sees that Jamie’s smile is fading and tells Dewey to give him another hit. Dewey fills up Jamie’s bottle of water by diluting it with cane sugar and making Jamie drink it to keep smiling.
Backstage Lois is nervous and has never felt such butterflies in her life before wishing the others good luck. As Donna weeps over the aspect of being outdone by Lois, Nina comes over and tells her to stop blinking since it’s clumping her mascara. Reese taps on her shoulder and gasps at seeing his perfect facial structure.
The pageant begins with the host Dr. Dave Nelson, the local meteorologist singing a number while the contestants stride out on stage. Darlene is sobbing after Mr. Herkabe’s words to her, resulting in him giving her a zero in poise. As the contestants go backstage to grab their sashes and flags, Jeanie realizes that she’s lost one of her hairpins. Lois helps her by giving her one of hers, Jeanie objects since her hair is now ruined. But Lois doesn’t mind being and now they’ll both be slightly off and just wants to go out on stage and have some fun, shocking the others. Later on, five contestants including Donna and Darlene are called forward, but Dr. Dave turns the tables on them by revealing that they’ve been eliminated and the other five including Lois, Jeanie and Anne are moving forward to the next round: the glamour parade. Hal cheers in excitement and rubs it in the Henderson’s faces. Reese calls Malcolm over and informs him that he’s leaving to claim his birthright. He says since he is about to become a star, he has to ruthlessly separate himself from pathetic hangers-on like them and probably eventually sue their asses. He tells Malcolm to take care, and he’ll see him in court.
Dr. Dave announces that although it’s 70 degrees outside with a 20 percent chance of rain it’s about to get a lot hotter in there and announces the glamour parade. Backstage, Lois wonders where Jeanie is, and she rushes up to Lois with a tiara and says that they will all be wearing tiaras for the glamour parade. Lois thanks her but unbeknownst to her the other women sabotage her by removing their tiaras before going onstage, enticing shocked reactions from the audience. After reaching the other side of the stage Lois asks the pageant director what happened, to which she claimed they usually let the judges decide who gets to wear the tiara. Upon seeing that Jeanie and the others set her up, Lois questions if she really belongs there.
Reese approaches Nina and tells her that he’s ready to do whatever she does with beautiful people, and that he’ll give her 20 percent and not a penny more. How she may have to travel because he’ll have houses in Miami, Milan and the Disney World in France and although she’s welcome to fly his private jet he wants her to keep it real and he wants a falcon. Nina informs him that she can’t do anything with him. Reese objects that he read the book and measured everything, and how he’s perfect. Nina informs him he does have the perfect features: if he were a middle-aged woman. She informs him that if he wants to have a sex change to come back in 20 years and they’ll talk. Reese desperately begs her not to leave him like this since he’s supposed to have three rocky marriages and die in a hotel fire, and she can’t send him home because he is too perfect to live like a person.
At the dressing rooms, Hal paces outside while Lois gets changed. He states that the audience reacted badly to the tiara fiasco, so she needs to nail the talent portion. He knows she doesn’t think highly about her talent but if she commits, she can make the oversized Barbies she has for opponents choke on their own batons. Lois comes out of the dressing room in her normal clothes. She tells him to get the car and the boys so they can slink out of there. He says that she can’t just walk away, but she digresses. She states that the whole night has been a disaster, she says she doesn’t belong there, and she hates the way the other contestants have been making her feel. Hal assures her they’re just a bunch of bitter hags before she also emphasizes how much she hates the way that Hal has been making her feel. She knows their marriage has its ups and downs but for the first time in her life, she felt like she wasn’t good enough for him.
Hal finally realizes how obsessive he’s been acting and apologizes. He states that he only acted that way because he knows Lois is perfect and for once, he wanted the whole world to know it too. Lois claims it was a nice idea but it’s not going to happen and is unsure of how she ever thought she could compete with the other women, and she is out of her league. Hal is in disbelief and questions if Lois is aware of why they pulled that stunt: because they’re afraid of her. He emphasizes that at the pageant she is surrounded by a bunch of idiots who fear her, so she isn’t out of her league, she’s right at home. Betty arrives backstage and tells Lois that she’s up next. Lois realizes Hal is right and she needs to show the other women what she’s capable of. She gives Hal her purse and tells Betty that whining isn’t going to make her go any faster as she walks out to the stage as an overjoyed Hal follows her.
Dr. Dave announces Lois as the third contestant and how she will accompany by her lovely "daughter" Dewey on piano which annoys Dewey that they got his gender wrong. Lois walks out on the stage in her casual attire as the crowd murmurs and as Dewey plays a dramatic tune on the piano, she displays her genuine talent for whistling a beautiful song that puts the other jealous pageant contestants in their place and reduces even Reese to tears as the audience gives her a standing ovation and crowns her as the winner.
Back in the kitchen, Hal asks the newly crowned Mrs. Tri-County if she’d like another scoop of fudge-ripple ice cream, she agrees since her sash still has a couple inches of slack and to keep it coming. She is impressed by the prizes in the gift basket for Lois’s title including: a 40-dollar coupon for new tires, a box of steaks and a label maker. Lois says how nice it is and only wishes that Reese wasn’t so busy sulking to enjoy it with them. Dewey assures her to give him a little time and he’ll be back to his old self.
Back at the pageant stage, a heartbroken sobbing Reese walks out onto the stage and waves at an imaginary audience who are applauding his beauty. As he continues to wave between sobs a janitor looks on in confusion as he observes him.
Cast[]
- Jane Kaczmarek as Lois
- Bryan Cranston as Hal
- Christopher Masterson as Francis (credit only)
- Justin Berfield as Reese
- Erik Per Sullivan as Dewey
- Frankie Muniz as Malcolm
Guest Stars[]
Recurring[]
- Chris Eigeman as Lionel Herkabe
Cameos[]
- Julia Campbell as Donna
- Fred Applegate as Dr. Dave
- Cindy Ambuehl as Darlene
- Caroline Seymour as Nina
- Deborah May as Betty
- Kirsten Nelson as Jeanie
- Rafael J. Noble as Phil
- Katherine Norland as Pageant Worker
- Vanessa Paul as Anne
Trivia[]
- Lois is revealed to have a special talent for whistling.
- Francis does not appear in this episode.
- Mr. Herkabe’s second to last appearance.
- This was the last episode to be shown on BBC Two as part of BBC Switch before it moved to 5* and restarting Season 1.
- This is the last episode to be premiered on Sundays before it moved to Fridays in the following season.
- This episode references two historical disasters. Jeanie mentions the 9/11 attacks of 2001 and Hal compares Donna’s answering of her question akin to the explosion of the Hindenberg in 1937.
- Steve Herbst provided the dub for Jane Kaczmarek when she starts whistling in the talent section of the pageant.
- Donna (Julia Campbell) and Darlene Fisher (Cindy Ambuehl) both dated Jerry Seinfeld on Seinfeld. Also Fred Applegate played Rick Levitan George Costanza’s first boss on Seinfeld.