New Neighbors is the 13th episode of season 2 and the 29th episode overall on Malcolm in the Middle. It was directed by Ken Kwapis and written both by Maggie Bandur and Pang-Ni Landrum. The episode aired on Fox on January 21, 2001.
Plot[]
New neighbors move in next door to the Wilkersons. However, it turns to be a serious family feud between Lois, Malcolm, and Reese with Tina, Josh and Emily (Hal and Mike are the only ones who get along). Meanwhile, Commandant Spangler is excited about his hero, Oliver North, coming to visit Marlin Academy. However, he ends up drinking and sleeping on the day he arrives. Francis must come up with an explanation for Spangler's whereabouts.
Summary[]
The intro scene has Hal & Lois discussing Reese's report card. "C in math instead of the usual A+, subtle." Of course, they are forged, but he's picked up the basics such as using the same pen as the teacher and writing believable grades. In any case, his usual punishment is increased to three months grounded and scrubbing toilets instead of two months grounded.
Lois is vacuuming the living room while the boys watch TV when Hal runs into the living room announcing that there's a moving van next door. Malcolm says families keep moving in and out of the house, but he doesn't know why. Flashbacks show that his family's shenanigans are the primary reason including Malcolm and Reese setting a bag of dog poop on fire on their porch and the neighbor’s robe caught on fire when he tried to stomp it out, Reese's bat accidentally hitting another neighbor in the head and knocking him unconscious, and Hal driving over a beloved pet of another former neighbor. Malcolm assumes that the house is haunted.
The new neighbors are professionals no less as Hal sees the movers carrying a table saw but Lois tells him there'll be no borrowing since they have a clean slate with them and informs them to be nice to them so they can have one good relationship with their neighbors. Hal states they need to introduce themselves before the Reeds, McCarthys, or the feared Whitfords do so they can't poison them against them by telling them how horrible they are. After Reese sees Mrs. Schneider observing the neighbors, they immediately go to introduce themselves.
At Marlin Academy, the cadets are scrubbing the hallways with Spangler stating they'll be practicing their drill performance after they are done. Francis questions the situation since they've been cleaning and drilling for hours and by law they're allowed to sleep. Spangler reveals that Oliver North is visiting Marlin Academy to give the cadets a motivational speech. Spangler worships the man; he has a nationally syndicated radio show after all. Finley reminds the commandant how North was a convicted felon in the Iran-Contra affair, but Spangler reminds him that the conviction was overturned.
The family visits the neighbors who hold a barbecue at their pool as a kind gesture. Lois meets the matriarch Tina right away and tries to get along with her. But Lois notices a red flag when Tina asks if there’s a doctor around who will write her easy prescriptions for pain medication.
Tina’s son Josh asks if there’s anything fun to do around here and Malcolm replies with a pothole for launching dirt bikes (that got filled) and poking a dead squirrel. Hal meets the family's patriarch Mike, a man who can cook a burger by flipping it only once and even teaches him how to do so.
Dewey finds a lawn gnome in the corner of the yard and Josh makes up a lie that the gnome eats children and was the reason why they had to move in the first place. Josh soon reveals his true colors as a pathological liar by claiming Malcolm spit on his burger so that he can get another one. Tina’s daughter Emily then proceeds to start painfully biting Reese’s leg and Reese can’t fight back since she’s a little girl. Their dads enter Mike’s garage and Hal learns that they both share a taste for 70’s bands like Cheap Trick and King Crimson and their vinyl records. Mike shows off his Sharon Dorf 1290 turntable which Hal is in awe of.
Malcolm confronts Josh for lying before and Josh says it’s fun and makes up another lie that Malcolm was staring at his mom’s chest in front of their moms to Lois’s anger. Lois spots Reese shouting for help as Emily bites his leg and Lois asks if Tina is going to do anything about that and Tina dismisses it as them just playing. Lois disagrees and immediately takes action by clamping Emily’s nose tight and telling her that if she wants to breathe properly, she better open her mouth to let go of Reese. She does, but Tina is offended by Lois for her actions against her daughter. Lois reminds her that Emily was gnawing on Reese, and she had to step in if she won't control her. Tina says she's one to talk since she's raising a pervert with Malcolm, but Lois defends that he can't help it since she has her breasts exposed like eggs on a plate. The meeting with the neighbors ends with both families in a serious feud with each other while Hal and Mike both sing out "Cherokee People" together.
The next day, Mike helps Hal fix his lawnmower and Hal admits he is the first neighbor friend he's had and he's the only other man who's been in his backyard who didn't work for the power company, Mike confesses he doesn't have many male friends himself. They cheer to friendship, and each admit that they are straight.
Malcolm is approached by Josh walking home from school, but Malcolm tells Josh to leave him alone and calls him out for him constantly making up lies about him. Josh apologizes for being unaware of how sensitive he is. Malcolm's point is proven when Josh tells a girl Malcolm likes her and has been stalking her without giving Malcolm a chance to speak before walking off.
Lois comes outside where Reese is fleeing from Emily and Tina is verbally abusing her gardener Hector asking if he is deaf, stupid or both and Lois intervenes once she makes racist comments about “his people’s” laziness. Lois calls her out for treating him like an animal, but she states she'll deal with the help the way she wants to. Lois tries to defend the dignity of the gardener, but even she can’t stand to watch the gardener’s incompetence trying to use a leaf blower to get rid of a used soda can instead of just picking it up. Meanwhile, Dewey throws a rock at the evil gnome only to have it bounced back into his eye causing him to run away screaming.
At dinner the next night Lois states that how horrible Tina is and how she assumes having breast implants and $50 highlights give you a free pass to mistreat others, she states they are officially the worst neighbors they've ever had. Hal disagrees reminding her of the 70-year-old swingers they once had for neighbors and how unfair it is to Mike. Reese supports Lois after showing the bite marks Emily gave him and how every time, he goes outside she is lying in wait. Malcolm brings up how Josh continually makes up lies about him and how he told the whole school that Malcolm was born a hermaphrodite and raised as a girl until he was five. Dewey brings up how the gnome is evil and wants to eat him, Lois reassures him they are all evil. Reese takes charge when it's revealed that the majority of his family despises the new neighbors and that a family feud is exactly what they need, how having a common enemy will bond them in a brotherhood of blood. Hal's plea for them to take a long hard look at themselves falls on deaf ears with the family. It doesn't seem to be a winning strategy as Lois dictates that as long as Tina, Josh and Emily continue to behave like animals, Lois, Reese and Malcolm will continue the feud against them. She forbids Hal from hanging out with Mike again until Tina, Josh and Emily take responsibility for themselves and apologize like decent human beings.
Reese hears Emily giggling outside as he tries to sleep grabbing a baseball bat for protection only to accidentally hit himself. At Marlin Academy, Spangler demands that the cadets continue doing the drill until they get it right. The cadets sing the "Candy Man Can" drill.
In the boy's bedroom, Malcolm is doing homework while Reese stares out the window knowing Emily is out there waiting for him to leave and it is driving him crazy. Malcolm reminds him how he wanted a feud, but Reese reminds his brother how he never thinks plans through before acting on them. He is also aware that Emily has the upper hand since he cannot hit little kids, and he is completely defenseless. Lois calls Malcolm into the kitchen both boys exit the bedroom, and Lois tells Malcolm that some police officers would like a word with him, much to his fear.
The police claim they got a report of Malcolm being a Peeping Tom (via Josh's lies), which he tries to deny by claiming the neighbors are all ugly so there’s nothing to see. But Hal says that’s not the point of peeping while sounding like he’s done it before.
At night, Hal and Mike sneak out in the middle of the night just so they can enjoy each other's company without their wives finding out. They cheer their beers from opposite sides of the fence and Hal asks Mike about his business trip to Dayton, and Mike asks about a presentation Hal did, which he claims is a joke Mike told him killed. Hal sees what they've been reduced to, and he should be able to talk to his best friend in daylight. After realizing what he said, Hal heads back inside.
Days later, Malcolm gets disapproving looks from his neighbors walking home because they all believe Josh's lie. Malcolm says it's been going on for days and can’t believe that everyone bought Josh’s lie. He figures if he ignores it, it'll blow over in time thinking that people have short memories. Until he comes home to Dewey jumping rope and singing a crude song about Malcolm peeping that he heard at school, and this finally pushes him over the edge.
Lois comes outside and sees Tina has ordered Hector to cut down her hedges which infuriates her for crossing the property line. Tina turns on the sprinklers as Lois yells at her and Lois retaliates by stealing her lawn ornaments (including the gnome) until her hedges are fixed. Lois brings them into the living room and Dewey runs away in fear upon seeing the gnome again.
At Marlin Academy, Francis questions Eric and Finley on why Spangler is who is keeping Oliver North waiting. Finley says that Spangler said he isn’t ready yet, Francis questions if he’s trying to make a fashionable entrance since the cadets have performed “Candy Man” five times and Colonel North has been waiting 45 minutes for dinner, and he will fill up on cheese and crackers. The commandant is drunk and unprepared explaining to Francis he was nervous about Colonel North's visit and to calm himself down he drank a few bottles of scotch. Francis attempts to help him, but Spangler is convinced he doesn't deserve to meet someone as incredible as Oliver North and he is a lowly worm and gets down on the floor and wriggles like a worm.
That night, Malcolm and Reese team up to try to pay Josh back by planning to plant evidence of stolen goods under his window and calling the police anonymously from Stevie's house. Malcolm knows how flawed Reese's plan is but is too desperate to care anymore. Reese explains to Malcolm that if he’s learned anything from his years of rule breaking it's impossible to clear your own name, and the only solution is to ruin someone else's. In his point of view, once their scheme works: Josh will get arrested for theft and larceny, his parents will be tied up in court, and Emily will get placed into a foster home, where she’ll bite her foster parents which will lead to her foster parents leaving her at a rest stop by the side of the road to bite hillbillies and truckers on the interstate for the rest of her life.
However, when they sneak over to plant the evidence against Josh, they inadvertently catch Tina cheating on Mike with her gardener, Hector, in the family's jacuzzi. The two soon notice Malcolm and Reese, and both sides scream loudly. In the scramble to get out of the jacuzzi, Tina accidentally knocks Hector out cold with a chair. As she struggles to keep him above water and angrily berates the boys as little monsters, the neighbors, hearing the commotion, all come peeping over the fence (as do Hal and Lois), and she makes a frail attempt to lie her way out of trouble (claiming Hector was teaching her to swim) to no avail. The incident labels Tina as a whore and humiliates her, Josh, and Emily so badly that they immediately move away from the neighborhood.
On the day Ollie North arrives, Spangler gets drunk to calm his nerves and immediately sleeps right through it. The next morning, Francis, Eric and Finley go to inform Spangler of what happened with Eric emphasizing how creepy it was how he spent the night wriggling around on the floor crying for his mother. When Francis informs him that it's morning and he already missed reveille he's distraught about missing his hero's visit, but Francis convinces him that he and Ollie got drunk together and enjoyed each other's company like old friends and that he was the happiest Francis had ever seen him. In doing so, we have an entire episode where Francis has not broken a single rule, law or international treaty. After leaving the office, Finley commends Francis for being so thoughtful, Eric mentions that he, Francis, and everybody will be receiving photos of Spangler dressed in a negligee on Wednesday (a prank they pulled while he was inebriated) since poster size takes two days.
Hal is distraught when he sees Mike leaving in a taxi, having seemingly separated from Tina after learning of her infidelity. But before he goes, he gives Hal a mix tape to remember him by. Dewey destroyed the lawn gnome by letting the moving truck run over it and crush it to pieces. Days later, a new neighbor named Steve attempts to befriend Hal, but Hal tells him that it’s just too soon for him and he still needs time to heal before heading back inside.
Cast[]
- Jane Kaczmarek as Lois
- Bryan Cranston as Hal
- Christopher Kennedy Masterson as Francis
- Justin Berfield as Reese
- Erik Per Sullivan as Dewey
- Frankie Muniz as Malcolm
Guest Stars[]
Recurring[]
- Daniel von Bargen as Commandant Spangler
- Eric Nenninger as Eric
- Arjay Smith as Finley
Cameos[]
- Robin Riker as Tina
- Gregory Jbara as Mike
- Michael Welch as Josh
- Dakota Fanning as Emily
- Christopher DerGregorian as Hector, Tina's gardener who has an affair with her.
- Denalda Williams as a cop
- Zack Phifer as Steve Jenkins, the new neighbor of the Wilkersons
- Sarah Ashley as a teenage girl
- John Lee Ames as Cadet 1 (uncredited)
- Chris Chee as Cadet 2 (uncredited)
- Bradley Thomas Taylor as Cadet 3 (uncredited)