Red Dress is the second episode of Season 1 of Malcolm in the Middle and the second episode overall of the show.
Summary[]
Lois must take drastic steps to discover which of her sons has destroyed the special dress she had bought for her and Hal's anniversary.
Plot[]
In the cold opening, Lois is mopping the hall until she peers into the boy's room and is suspicious to see them both reading quietly. She asks Malcolm and Reese what they did which they both deny doing anything before Lois rifles in their drawers and checks a window to see if it’s broken. Reese asks if she’s done or if she wants to frisk him, she leaves the room telling them they got lucky this time. As she leaves Dewey is tied up with rope hanging on the back of the door not visible to Lois, she looks again but still fails to notice Dewey. Dewey says that was close, and Malcolm states either Lois is losing her touch, or they’re getting better at hiding things.
In the kitchen Malcolm is making a phone call and states that the good thing about being smart is never having to look up any phone numbers. The bad thing is no one else in the family ever bothers to remember anything. Malcolm calls Francis to remind him about their parent's anniversary today, Francis informs Malcolm he’s supposed to remind him before so he can get them a gift. Malcolm tells him not to worry and they’ll put his name on their gift, Francis thanks him and says he owes him. Malcolm tells him he owes him $20 because that’s what his share amounts to, Francis questions that they got them an $80 gift, Malcolm lies and says yes just to milk his older brother for cash.
At Lois’s workplace, a drugstore called Lucky Aide, she is stocking shelves until she is approached by her fellow employee Craig. Craig presents her with a gift for her anniversary and congratulates her on sixteen years with Hal and what a lucky man he is. Lois thanked Craig but says he shouldn’t have since only husbands we’re supposed to give gifts on anniversaries. Craig upset claims she can throw it in the trash then, Lois calms him down enough to at least see what he got for her. She opens it to find a tube of lip gloss in a color she wanted to try, Craig got it for her after seeing her eyeing it a few weeks ago. Lois was unaware they carried that brand but is cut off by Craig after stating they don’t as he asks about her plans for the evening and what she’ll be wearing. Lois tells him that she bought a beautiful new red dress that she’s been saving up for two months and she’s been fantasizing about the night: her and Hal eating dinner in silence with no passion whatsoever. Craig fantasizes about it and imagines Lois and himself enjoying a romantic dinner while a crestfallen Hal mops in the background. After Lois snaps him out of his fantasy, Craig asks Lois if she’d like to catch a movie over lunch since the movie “My Best Friend's Wedding” is being played in the electronics department. Upon her refusal he immediately tells her to forget it before walking off tripping over the door of the makeup kiosk.
In the bathroom, Lois calls out to the boys to finish wrapping their present since she has to meet their dad at the restaurant in ten minutes. In the kitchen the boys work together to wrap their parents' gift. Reese doesn’t understand why their mom gave Malcolm the money to buy the present. Malcolm tells him it’s because she doesn’t want another karate video, which he bought for them on their last anniversary. When Malcolm informs Reese that he got them a picture frame for a gift he calls Malcolm a “brown-noser”. Dewey keeps saying that he gets to do the bow.
As Lois continues getting ready, she soon discovers her expensive new red dress partially burned and soaking in the toilet. As the boys' finish wrapping their gift, Reese steals the bow from Dewey to spite him. Dewey says it not fair and says he’s going to tell their mom, but upon seeing her in shock over her red dress he immediately runs back to the kitchen. Lois comes into the kitchen and angry and in disbelief that the boys set a fire. They try to explain until Lois emphasizes it has to be the stupidest, irresponsible most dangerous thing they’ve ever done and if they will want to have their charred little bodies identified by their dental records. She demands a straight answer for who burned her dress. Malcolm and Reese accuse each other, and Dewey seems scared believing that they’re going to the dentist.
In the boy's bedroom Lois demands an answer, as Malcolm and Reese continue accusing each other she takes away their model planes and rockets before making them spin around baseball bats. After receiving no answer, she orders them into the hallway, a nauseous Malcolm says he’s going to puke, Lois tells him that’ll be the highlight of his evening because no one is going anywhere until they tell her who did it.
Meanwhile, at the restaurant Hal asks the maître d’ if everything is all set up at Table 7 and tells them that his wife will always order lobster and asks that they slip a new bracelet on the lobster’s claw. He agrees and assures him his sheet music for the violinist is prepared, Hal tells him how many occurrences where he’s heard “Tears of a Clown” just butchered.
In the hallway Malcolm and Reese argue over which one should confess, but they both claim their own innocence. Lois asks them who did it again but after Malcolm and Reese continue to accuse each other she makes them get closer to the wall. Malcolm tells his mom that it reeks in the corner due to Dewey being boxed in between his older brothers. Seeing this she drags them into the living room where she makes them lie underneath the couch.
Under the couch Reese tells Malcolm that he’ll give him five dollars if he admits to burning the dress, Malcolm once again says he’s innocent and Reese sees Dewey eating something. Malcolm tells them to shut up and let him think of a plan, Reese wonders what there is to think about since he’s never seen their mom so angry before there’s nothing they can do. Malcolm realizes he’s right that they’re out of their league and there’s only one person who’s ever had their mom so mad at them and survived: Francis.
Malcolm calls Francis and tells him they are under the couch all because Reese won’t admit he did it, another argument arises before Francis silences them and starts by telling them that they all burned the dress and that they have to stay united against Lois. Upon telling him what she had them do so far he knows where she’s going with separate interviews where she pretends to be on their side but isn’t. She interviews each of them at the kitchen table and gives them a name brand orange soda and she know they didn’t do it but wants them to help her find out who did due to how serious it was that one of their brothers could’ve burned the house down and that they’ve always been the best one. Each of the three admits that they don’t know. Lois gathers them and assumes they think they’ve got their mom over a barrel but if they want to play, they can play all night long.
Back at the restaurant, Hal continues to wait for Lois completely unaware she has forgotten about him entirely. He plays around with breadsticks before the maître d’ brings him a phone to call Lois and ask her what’s keeping her, he thanks him before asking for another vodka martini. Unfortunately, he receives a busy signal due to the line being in use between Francis and his younger brothers.
Back at the house, Lois tortures the boys in their bedroom by blasting a loud song about how being nice is better than being a thug. Dewey wonders why she has to ruin everything he loves. Francis lets his fellow cadets hear the song and one of them says how they used that technique on another cadet named Noriega and how by the end he wanted to cut his own ears off. Malcolm tells Francis he’s just going to tell Lois he did it since he can’t take the torture any longer. Francis motivates him to hold his ground against her or she will own them for the rest of their lives and gives them a new plan. Lois enters the bedroom to find the boys skipping in a circle singing along to the song, much to her dismay. However, she soon turns the tables on them by recording them with a video camera and how their grandma and all their friends will love to see the video at their next birthday parties.
After informing Francis on what she did he asks them to hang in there and give him a minute to think, frustrated at how crafty she is. Stanley asks if they cracked, and Francis informed him that Dewey faked a stomach cramp to buy them some time. Another cadet states that if they had his mom in Vietnam, there would be a McDonald’s in Hanoi square. Another cadet named Horton informs him that there already is much to his joy.
Back at the restaurant, Hal tells Franklin the waiter he’s ready to order and that they have a saying in their family: “After an hour eat without her, any longer somethings wronger.” Franklin says it’s very catchy. Hal assures him when life gives you lemons to make lemonade, asking if they have lemonade. Franklin informs him they don’t have lemonade, but they do have lemons, Hal tells him to throw a lemon in another martini glass and he’s ready to hear the specials.
Back at the house, Malcolm peaks out of the bedroom door, but can’t see his mother. Reese wonders if she left and Malcolm sarcastically states she must’ve gone out to buy them all presents to Dewey joy. Reese says it’s too quiet out there and it’s driving him crazy, Dewey suggests singing some more but Reese quickly shoots him down. Lying down on their beds Reese wonders how many holes are in the ceiling tiles. Malcolm informs him there are exactly 186,480 holes. Reese questions if he counted them all, but Malcolm informs him that you just count the holes on one tile and multiply the number across and down. Reese takes notice of his brain power recently and questions if he is just going to continue getting smarter and weirder, asking if he could tone it down because he can’t keep up with all of the butt kickings. Malcolm is confused until Reese informs him that at least twice a day he has to whoop ass who calls his brother a weirdo. Malcolm is secretly touched by Reese beating up people to defend him. Reese states that the last kid who insulted him was a freak anyway and he was in no position to throw out names. Malcolm thanks him before Reese asks if he knows what he’s thinking about, he says he is smart but not psychic. Dewey asks if he can tell what dogs are saying because he can until they hear Lois call them into the living room.
Lois lays down a tarp on the floor and although she doesn’t know who put them up to sticking together but she doesn’t like it. Therefore, they have forced her into doing something she doesn’t want to do. Putting on rubber gloves she tells them to say goodbye to a cherished family member. Grabbing a sledgehammer and threatening to smash the TV unless someone confesses, they all scream “No!”. Before she can act, they hear a knock at the side door and Lois orders them not to move a muscle while she answers it. Lois answers the door to see their neighbor Ed. She tells Ed that it’s 9:00 at night and she’s a little busy. Ed explains that he came over because it’s 9:00 and he keeps hearing screaming that was akin to killing screaming and he’s not one to complain. Lois tells him it’s why they like him before closing the door in his face. But when she turns around, she sees that the TV is gone and the boys are out of breath, knowing that they’ve hidden it she orders them into their room in a distorted demonic voice.
At the restaurant, Hal goes into the washroom and tells Tony, the men’s room attendant what a nice place they have. Tony thanks him and says he tries to create an atmosphere and asks if he enjoyed his meal. Hal says if four olives, two onions and a whole lot of alcohol can qualify as a meal then yes. Hal asks what they have in the cologne department. Tony asks if he was looking for anything in particular. Hal says he’s looking for a significant scent and would like to leave a room having people say, “Boy smells like Hal in here”, but in a nice way. Tony says Hal strikes him as a sandalwood; after trying it out he commends him for his genius and tells another man walking in what a genius he is, but he ignores them. House says what a snooty bastard he has and would think that the restaurant would be the great equalizer but even a king looks like a fool when he’s answering nature‘s call looks like a fool. Hal says what a pleasure it’s been as he leaves, and Tony greatly thanks him for making eye contact with him, much to his surprise.
Lois sincerely rehearses an apology to the boys in the mirror but decides that they’ll never buy it. Lois walks into the kitchen and sees the anniversary present on the kitchen table and looks happy until she realizes that she forgot all about Hal at the restaurant before picking up the phone to call the restaurant.
After announcing that his brothers saved the TV the cadets give out a cheer. Francis tells his brothers that they have Lois right where they want her and now it’s time to take the offensive, until he hears breathing. When Lois picked up the phone, she unknowingly joined their conversation and asks Malcolm to hang up the phone. The other cadets run away as Francis wishes his mom a happy anniversary. Malcolm runs into his room and tells Reese and Dewey what happened. Dewey believes they are going to die and hides under Reese’s bed. Malcolm concludes that he needs to run away but Reese tells Malcolm that he can use his brain and think of a way out of it. Malcolm can only think about how hard Reese is twisting his nipple but upon taking a second, he gets an idea.
Back at the restaurant, Hal invites Tony to join him at his table and they joke around enjoying a nice meal together while the violinist comes over and plays Hal and Lois’s song.
Lois can’t believe Francis‘s actions and thinks he’s being so clever turning them against her and that they didn’t send him to military school to undermine her authority long distance. Francis questions why she did send him, and she says it definitely wasn’t so he could undermine her authority which he is doing. Francis reminds her of what she’s doing spending her anniversary at home fixating on which son to punish over a burned dress and asks her if that’s what she wanted to do tonight. She wonders if she is just supposed to let it go. Francis convinces her that’s exactly what she should do but knows she won’t since she can never let anything go. She finally achieves an epiphany from his statement and that she can’t talk to him right now sometimes he makes her so mad, she just wants to break his neck, asking if he got the cookies she sent him. Francis confirms it and that they were great.
Afterwards, she hears a crash from the boy's room and enters to find the boys wearing pillows as armor with the ceiling fan ripped out of the ceiling. As she looks shocked, Malcolm claims that on paper it was a great idea. Lois decides to take Francis’ advice and tells the boys to get dressed and she’s taking them out for dinner, shocking Malcolm that his idea worked. Reese is confused and Lois explains that she doesn’t want a bunch of social workers and reporters tearing up the front lawn because she doesn’t feed them and tells them to hurry up before she changes her mind. Reese brings up the dress, Lois says she really liked the dress but decides to let it go before leaving for the restaurant, with the boys in tow.
Hal thanks Tony for giving him a ride home, and Tony thanks him for a great night. He arrives home to an empty house, and since he is alone, he decides to light himself a cigar. Until he accidentally sets a couch cushion alight with his cigar, the camera cuts to outside the house, with Hal moaning "not again" before the toilet flushes, revealing that he was responsible for ruining Lois’s red dress and the boys were really innocent the whole time.
Quotes[]
- (When Lois holds up her charred red dress)
- Lois: Fire? Fire?! Fire?!!
- Malcolm: Mom, what...?!
- Lois: This is the most stupid, irresponsible, dangerous thing you have ever done! Is this what you want?! Will we have to identify your charred little bodies through their dental records?! I want a straight answer! Who did this?!
- Reese: Malcolm did it!
- Malcolm: Reese did it!
- Reese: I DIDN'T DO IT!
- Malcolm: I didn't do it!
- Dewey: (quietly): We're going to the dentist?
- Cadet 1: (to Francis): Man, if we had your mom in 'Nam, there would be a McDonald's at Hanoi Square right now.
- Cadet 2: Dude, there is a McDonald's at Hanoi Square.
- Cadet 1: (pause) All right.
- Malcolm: (to the camera) The good thing about being smart is I never have to look up any phone numbers. The bad thing is, no one else in the family ever bothers to remember anything.
- Reese: (to Malcolm): Hey, what am I thinking right now?
- Malcolm: I'm smart, I'm not psychic.
- Dewey: Can you understand what dogs are saying?
- Malcolm: No.
- Dewey: I can.
- Lois: (to Francis angrily): I cannot talk to you right now. You make me so mad, sometimes I just want to break your neck! (pause) Did you get the cookies I sent you?
- Francis: (smiling): Yeah, they were great.
- Dewey: (about Lois): Why does she have to ruin everything I love?!
Trivia[]
- This is the highest rated episode of season one of Malcolm in the Middle, having had 23.3 million viewers at the time it was first aired.
- This episode reveals that Hal has a smoking addiction and that he secretly does it when no one else is around. This is a Hal related theme that would be revisited multiple times, later in the series.
- Francis was also shown to have a smoking addiction in this episode Pilot, Stock Car Races and Christmas.
- Lois is also a secret smoker shown in season 5's Malcolm's Job and in Season 6's Standee.
- Dewey would later develop an addiction to smoking in Reese vs. Stevie.
- Lois's mother, Ida Welker, is an addict to smoking even in her old age and a compulsive alcoholic.
- Out of the Wilkerson family, only Malcolm, Reese, Jamie and Piama have not developed smoking addictions.
- First appearances of Craig Feldspar and Stanley Winn.
- Hal and Lois's wedding anniversary takes place in this episode and Francis had forgotten all about it. It was mistakenly believed that Francis was born on his parents wedding day, but the two events are never on the same day.
- Francis would actually have episodes where it's mentioned to be his birthday (Bully and No Motorcycles) and Hal and Lois's anniversary would be featured again in subsequent episodes (Hal Sleepwalks), but none of those episodes would reference the other occasion.
- In the episode "Flashback", it was implied that when Lois went into labor with Francis, she and Hal postponed their wedding until after Francis was born since they had no control over when Francis would be born, and they simply eloped on a later date. Making the two events occur on separate dates.
- This episode makes mention of the grandmother of The Wilkerson family. It wouldn't be until the episode The Grandparents, that Ida Welker actually makes her first on-screen appearance.
- When Hal lights the dress on fire, one the comments he interjects is "Jeezle!" a made-up word by the cast of the show, used as a euphemism for "Jesus!", as mentioned in the episode's commentary.
- Craig mentions electronics is playing "My Best Friend's Wedding". Christopher Masterson plays Scotty O'Neal in that movie.
- In the script's original scene before the ending, Lois finds a cigar pipe on the floor of the living room, a pack of tobacco and a lighter on the table. She immediately questions the boys about it. Malcolm, Reese and Dewey honestly tell Lois that they wouldn't dare smoke in front of her because they know she'll bust them. The boys know she'll end up yelling and punishing them harder. Accepting their answer, Lois lets them off the hook. This narrows her suspicions on Francis and Hal. Even though she can't entirely disregard Francis due to his rebellious nature and having busted him previously for smoking during the phone call home from Marlin, Lois also lets him off the hook mainly because he ended up quitting after she yelled at him. By process of elimination, she realizes that Hal burned her dress and tossed it in the toilet.
- In the script's original ending, a drunken Hal comes home after hours and starts to light up his cigar pipe. However, the light turns on and revealing Lois with her burned dress. Hal tries to feign innocence and amateurishly get rid of the evidence. However, Lois had already busted him and proceeds to yell at him for what he done. This was dropped for unknown reasons, possibly due to how expensive it would've been. It would take six more seasons before Hal would finally be punished for smoking in the house and betraying his promise to Lois in Reese vs. Stevie.
- Hal would finally confess to burning Lois’s dress six seasons later in the episode Stilts.
Errors[]
- When Lois walks down the hall with the ruined dress you can briefly see a member of the staff, holding a water bucket in the background. This was mentioned in the episode's audio commentary, saying that nobody on the staff noticed it at the time being, even after watching over the episode for mistakes several times, and it wasn't until the episode had aired that a person from another country had immediately picked up on it the day it came out and posted it on the internet.
- In 16:9 prints of this episode's cold opening, the door to Malcolm and Reese's room stays open, even though Lois's hand was shown on the doorknob in another shot. This mistake appears twice; the second time is when Lois is heard closing the door.