Watching the Baby is the second episode of season five of Malcolm in the Middle.


One Friday afternoon Malcolm, Reese, Dewey and Stevie are playing basketball in the driveway as Hal bids farewell to Polly who mistakes the day it is knowing she has to go to court and file a restraining order against her sister. Who thinks because she has been Polly's boyfriends first and third wife she has a claim on him. Stevie asks if Polly used to be the cat lady, Malcolm responds that she was also the naked jogger but now is just $4 an hour. Hal states the boys are making dinner since Lois hasn't had any sleep for the past three days, inside Lois had fallen asleep breastfeeding Jamie who is on the table while Lois is fast asleep with a loaf of bread in her shirt.

Hal states Lois needs to get some sleep, Lois tiredly defends it but immediately falls asleep on the bed. As Hal leaves the room, Lois still asleep rolls off the bed and onto the floor where breathing in and out causes a ball of dust to form. Hal decides to make a run to the Lucky Aide for more diapers, stating to the boys he'll be back in 10 minutes. Hal arrives at the Lucky Aide and gets Craig to check him out, however Craig proceeds to bother him with a unrelated elaborate conversation. Hal claims he's in a hurry and doesn't have time. Hal then realizes he left his wallet at home and apologizes to Craig and asks him for a loan, Craig claims he could help him but refuses since Hal has a tendency to yell at people who try to help him. Hal then takes the diapers and claims Lois will pay for them tomorrow, Craig says he is shoplifting, Hal admits this and asks what he gonna do, Craig calls for Vernon the head of security who stops him from leaving.

Back in the kitchen the boys change Jamie with a newspaper diaper and an oven mit. Dewey goes outside to throw the old diaper in the trash with Malcolm telling him to hold his breath because if he passes out they will not come and get him. Stevie claims it to be a fun Saturday night, with Malcolm misunderstanding that he wasn't being sarcastic. Three girls from their school show up wearing fancy dresses and ask them out. Stevie claims all his praying has finally paid off. The boys see a limo outside, Malcolm is apprehensive claiming they are supposed to be taking care of Jamie, and they can't just go riding around in a limo with three hot girls, Malcolm then realizes what he just said. Dewey comes back inside only to hear tires squeal away and finds that the others have left him all alone to look after Jamie.

They explain that their boyfriends ditched them at the fall formal dance to go to a party and claiming that they want to make them jealous by cheating on them with Reese, Malcolm and Stevie.

At the Lucky Aide, after taking a mugshot of Hal and saying since he's not under arrest and cannot make a phone call, Craig sentences Hal to work off his debt for two hours at minimum wage.

Back at the house, Lois is still fast asleep on the bedroom floor and the dust ball has now grown quadruple its original size. Dewey is watching Jamie and decides to tell him a story about himself and Jamie being the favorites of the household and how Jamie worshiped Dewey, when Malcolm and Reese enter and start throwing Jamie around, Dewey begs them to stop before Lois catches them red-handed they admit they are stupid and Lois shoves both Reese and Malcolm down the garbage disposal. Lois then warns Dewey not to go in her closet.

Hal is sentenced to mop all the aisles where he learns the other night-shift employees are mistreated by Craig as well, not respecting that they would like to listen to adult contemporary music (namely Phil Collins), have non store brand coffee in the coffee maker (which they claim tastes like death) and an employee named Dolores who rides on a mobility scooter stalls out on her way out of the store after her shift and cannot leave until someone gives her a push. Hal rallies them that they can rebel against Craig and take back the night-shift for themselves.

Back in dewey's story, Dewey and Jamie need the key to open the closet. Dewey distracts Lois with a song and ribbon dance while Jamie receives the key from under her pillow. Once the coast is clear the younger boys go into the closet to find out under the original house was a secret better more luxurious house the boy's parents had been hiding from them. Also discovering Hal and Lois are actually rich and have taken a trip to Paris and own their own robot the Brother-bot 9000 (modeled after Francis). Dewy and Jamie eventually find a secret room where a perfect pair of pants is kept, with no stains, tears or dead things in the pockets but when he tries to take them, he sets off an alarm. Back in the real world Dewey screams upsetting his little brother, Dewey apologizes and calms him down.

With the older boys in the limo, the boyfriends of the girls arrive, one of them grabs Reese claiming that she will kiss anyone. While Reese is preparing to receive a kiss, he realizes Jaime's pacifier (they call Jamie's Nu-Nu) was in his pocket and that he cannot sleep without it. Without hesitation, Malcolm, Reese, and Stevie hijack the limo and leave the girls behind in the parking lot. They arrive back home right when Dewey had just gotten Jaime to sleep, luckily Reese puts the pacifier in his mouth calming him down. However, Hall arrives seconds later with the diapers waking Jaime up a second time, everyone gets into an argument and at the same time the dust ball has finished growing causing it to wake her up. When she enters the kitchen she notices Jaime's newspaper diaper and lightly reprimands the boys about the way they looked after Jaime. Malcolm suggests they go for a drive, believing that it could calm Jaime, much to Lois' dismay, she is skeptical. In the final scene, the whole family is in the limousine, Lois is amazed by how big it is.